The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been pretty busy lately in another group, one for prison moms thru Yahoo. Next week my son, my A, is coming home to me. He has been gone a yr now. Actually for the last three yrs he has been in jail more than out. The times he has been home have been pretty wild.
I really messed things up for myself in the beginning. His dad was and is a horrible alcoholic and I used to act a "certain way" around him. I discovered, too late, that I acted the same way around my son as I did my ex. (his dad) I have been reading my Alanon book again and trying to dig into my 12 steps as they pertain to ME. I am determined NOT to be an enabler again, even tho Justin my son has no idea that I have "changed" in this respect. I am sick of the cycle of behavior I got caught up in. I behaved a certain way, which gave him his excuse to drink.....or that's his story! Now I plan on using tools thru Alanon and I can only imagine how it will be. I am sure that he will find something else for a reason to drink IF he plans on drinking this time. He has a son (3 1/2 yrs) that he has not seen that much and he professes to want to see and have in his life. THAT is what I want so much to happen. I want to enable THAT if I can....please excuse the not so funny pun... Anyway I am nervous, scared, can't hardly eat, or sit down or sleep either..... I hope I can get thru this and do the right thing. I plan on being in here a lot more as I am sure that I willl need all of you. Thanks, for being here, Love, Mamasan.
ps- In case any of you did not know, Mamasan, is Vietnamese for "mother of many". All the kids around here call me mamasan. That's how I came by my name..
Just remember to take care of you. Your meetings will be important and coming here will help. I think it is a little harder when the A in our lives is one of our chidren because it is human nature to "mother" and take care of them. We have to remember that it doesn't help them or ourselves in the long run.
Well he's home. The first 2 days were sort of like a honeymoon, to be expected. It has started to get a little "testy", with the Field Supervision Units coming in and out, making sure he is here. Party of me does want to protect hi, but that is part of what makes him, or should I say enables him, so I am watching THAT. Making sure that I do not dothat. Posting more later. company again for myson. This isa busy house and Ido NOT% sant to get lost in it all.
