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When I thought my boyfriend now husband was going to go to jail for ten years and I wasn’t over my ex boyfriend I sleep with ex boyfriend him a couple of times. My boyfriend now husband told me that he wasn’t mad because he knew this guy was taking advantage of me. He told me to let it go. I was angry with myself for the longest time. I am very angry over this situation, now I have to listed this. But I going to try and get better so I am listing it. I am not planning on every doing it again. He trusts me a lot he lets me go out with my guy friends. this happen 6 yr ago.
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
Good for you for listing it, good for you hubby for letting it go.
I had a similiar situation from the other end and thinking about it makes me think that I never let it go, I only stuffed it. Or did I forgive but not forget I don't know.
My girlfriend who because my wife called me when I went on a trip with some friends to visit a friend in Syracuse. I could tell something was wrong, finally she told me that she went to have him look at her car, because I didn't, and he raped her. This is someone she had left because he would rape and abuse her. I couldn't understand how she could put herself in that position knowing what he does.
There were questions from her best friend about whether an abortion or my first child where mine (I believe today that she is mine, and if she wasn't I raised her, she's mine! )
Later my sister in law (A's twin) dated this man (dont' ask why, knowing what he had done). My wife expected me to welcome this guy at my house and later at our wedding. This made me question the entire rape abuse story. Why would you invite someone who did this to your home? That retriggered for me. The other trigger was constantly being accused of cheating myself. I can't look at a doorknow with my A thinking I've had a turn. It's ridiculous.
That all said, it doesn't sound like you have had any of my ancillary issues. You made what you said is a mistake. It appears you've made your amends, and it even appears that your hubby has forgiven you.
Easy on you NYC, Your doing an awesome job working on you, you don't need to beat yourself up to get better. {{{{{NYCBT}}}}} I hope posting this and adding it to your list helps you let it go.
Back to seeing if this is something I need to look at in me.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
I talked to my husband today and he said that he didn't even consider cheating on him. He wasn't concern about it. I the one who consider it cheating. So to him I didn't cheat on him. That helped me so much to hear that.
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
Good for you for getting it out. That's huge progress. The reason I did my 4th step was for me to help me release all of my demons and sins "if you will" Lo and behold when I began Step 9, I too found the things that I felt horrible about, others did not view as aggregiously as I did. But alas, it was more about how I felt which I needed to release.
One amends that I did make, I wish I had talked with my sponsor about first because some amends could be hurtful to the person we harmed. So just a suggestion would be to talk with your sponsor first.
yours in recovery,
Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
How difficult that you are still so hard on yourself for being in such a vulnerable place. I am glad that your husband is not holding a grudge. I am also glad that you are putting it out there rather than feeling shamed by it some more. I give great power to my shame. Shame is described as feeling exposed, avoiding eye contact wanting to hide or withdraw, a failure to achieve one's ideals.
It seems to me the more I own who I am the more clear I am that no one is perfect. A friend of mine is going through a very very hard time right now he is losing it on many many levels. People do lose it when they go through a hard time. This is a man who is very wise and level headed normally. He is in crisis and has been sucidial.
I know my a expects me to be perfect all the time and be in tune with him all the time. I am not. I am not even in tune with me. I work on being compassionate and empathic with myself first about my history my current issues and my life. I used to be compassionate and empathic to everyone but me.
I am glad that you are here and looking to heal. I admire your courage to challenge that and take care of yourself.
) 
Aron 
