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I had an incredibly emotional weekend with myself and my children. I was able to post on Saturday evening and received some good support. Thank you. My "a" has moved on and living with another woman, driving her car with out a license and endangering himself and her as well. He is not taking responsibility for any of his actions or his part in the demise of this relationship. He is now blaming me for all of the problems in the relationship and the fact that his family will not allow him to stay at their house. I'm really learning that there has been lies and deception going on for quite sometime. He's not truthful with anyone right now not even himself. Yesterday I was off from work, I got my haircut, I bought a treadmill, did the grocery shopping, and dealt with his nasty voicemails. By the end of the day I was drained unfortunately not feeling peace. I did alot of praying and journaling last night and it helped to settle me down.
This morning he was calling me right back to blaming and telling me that I'm spreading lies about him. He wouldn't let me talk he didn't care to hear about my pain and what is going on with his children. He had the gall to say You kicked me out! I needed a place to stay and these people felt sorry for me about what I'm going through with the kids. I've cried to these people. I lost it, and said you never cried to us! It's no use, he will not wake up and see reality or take responsibility, he will not get sober, he doesn't want that way of life. The only thing left for me to do is remove myself completely right now from his lies and blaming and begin to heal. I am trying to get the kids to a play therapist and call my counselor to see if she would see me. I'm trying to get in touch with a family law program but its going slow. Any encouragement right now would be greatly appreciated. I know I can do this, but I'm scared and still hurting because I still love this person. Thanks
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
I am aware from doing a 4th step that the a never really wanted mutuality. I hope that you can move towards a place where you can be direct with the A. I think when we are trying to sort stuff out we think we can talk to the A about it. The only relief I have found personally is when I can be direct and non blaming with the A. When I give him specifics like when you lie to me and say ...and then do...I do not appreciate it. I think...is a selfish behavior.
I think it is incredibly hard to detach. Its like weight lifting. I have been in this program 3 months now I am getting better at detaching. There are moments when I feel a huge weight lift off me. There are other moments when I feel it is all on top of me.
I think with the referral issue my esh is that I have to go to more than one source. If I go to just one I am left out there if I have more than one I at least have a few spoons out there. Some people take a very long time to get back to me. I needed referrals and to be following up on them years ago now I have a few in the works. I am beginning to have a plan a, b,c. I think that is a fantastic strategy have a plan and have a back up plan. Ironing that out takes the focus off the A and toxic resentment of the place they put us in.
I am so sorry you are hurting so very much. Somehow u must pull yourself up and go on. As hard as that may seem it will become easier everyday.
As for the other woman, how long do u think she will actually put up with his garbage? Do not worry it will not last long they are just having a good ole time and as u know only to well that comes to an abrupt end.
I hope God will give you the strength to move on and take care of u and your children.
I'm so sorry to hear about your sadness. Your A sounds a lot like mine, but I guess they all sound the same, don't they?? I'm quite certain that his new woman will eventually feel like she's been used and lied too, also. It's just a matter of time. It might look like they have it made right now, but things will deteriote with her too. I wouldn't even be surprised if he comes back to you begging for another chance at some time. It might not happen, but either way, you're better than that and it sounds like you're focusing on the right things now. He doesn't deserve your sympathy or your time. Stay strong, keep journaling and do things for yourself. I still live with my A and I still get to watch him treat our neighbors like they're the best things that ever happened, while in the meantime he treats his family like crap (including his parents, his sister, and his brother).Anyone who ever called him an A is the enemy, but the neighbors on both sides of us are a bunch of drunks so they're wonderful. I'm taking dance lessons, working out every day, and planning a vacation with my son. Life for me can be good, but my A is broke, depressed, and crabby. I try hard to not let him bring me down and I hope you can do the same.
