The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, I've now had my most recent "A" boyfriend out of my life, for the most part, for 6 weeks. I've had no contact with him and things have been going really well. However, last week a financial matter came up that we were both responsible for. We thought that it was taken care of up as it turns out, we owe money. So, I need to ask him for more money than he may have at the moment. In any case, I didn't feel comfortable just out of the blue saying "He, I know I haven't talked to you for 6 weeks, but I need money from you." So, I've kind of been trying to ease into a little bit of communication first. In any case, I feel like I'm mentally and emotionally being sucked right back into that same place that I was 6 weeks ago. Truth be told, I still love him. But I know he's completely incapable of giving me what I need and that I deserve better. However, I'm so sick in my own disease that I think I'd take him back in a second.
Hi, all I can say is stick to your guns, when you know inside things have been more peaceful without him around, and you do not want to get sucked back in. Is there a way to send him a copy of the (bill, finances,)?
If you must ask, expect typical alcoholic behavior, responses. It's best if you, yourself remain calm, and not get sucked back in. Seeing someone is "visual" thing at least for me, and that's what makes me go completely backwards! Whatever you try, let go of the results.... you can never anticipate their reaction.
I almost wonder if I can just call and have them split the bill and send him an invoice for half, that way I can take care ofm y half and he can responsible for his without us having to deal with it together.
I sent him an e-mail, just the facts. And I received one of the most venemous, intentionally hurtfel responses I've ever had in my life. I'm pretty sure that if I weren't in complete utter shock that I'd be throwing up.
I know it's hard, but remember that they do lash out - this is part of their disease. He can't allow himself to think about your breakup in any kind of realistic terms, because then he would have to face what drinking is doing to his life. Therefore, he has probably been thinking horrible things about you all this time in order to make himself feel better.
If nothing else, this can strengthen your resolve that you did the right thing in seperating yourself from this.
NO question, I did the right thing. And where as in the alst 6 weeks I kept thinking about getting back together, I now know that I will NEVER allow that to happen. And I'm incredibly grateful that I don't share a child with this man.
