The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Willingness to surrender, a willingness give up & into the process of life & the Program.
It is so irritating the way other ppl chime in with their two cents & tell you how you should be living your life or what u should be doing, when their lives are in no state of 'model perfection.'
I don't want to be running around & socializing, I am tired, I am trying to recovery my broken heart & bruised mind. As it is I am SO easily distracted, by lovers, I need to focus on me... self-love is new to me still, I am floundering trying to figure it out. I just want peace & serenity, to discover my true self again... who I was before I shut down, before I was shuttled here & there, pushed, prodded, asked to truthful & expressive & then belittled for my feelings & neglected. Told by my own mother that she didn't want to hear me, therefore she doesn't want to know the real me &/or doesn't want to know herself.
I must stay on the pursuit of my own path, my own recovery with the God of my understanding it is my own personal soul, gowth & business. How do ppl get off, telling me to go to church to meet a "God fearing man" or my own mother asking me how my therapy is going, like she cares! I owe them nothing, in fact I owe myself, so much.
When the time is right, the right ones appear. This is all unraveling in the Mystery of God's timing & HP's Divine Plan, it has little to do with me, except that I be a willing participant & when I am ready & willing, is when the things begin to happen. When I am open, & I am ready and I want the miracles to happen. I've been abused, suffered & neglected enough.
I'll not continue to be told how to feel or behave in my life... as I may as well be forty, spending 37 yrs living for other ppl and never having a model for self-love, care or protection.
God's Will be done & allow me to know what true love is, You Lord, for You know how to love me more than I know how to love myself... I surrender to You & I am not afraid. Amen.
When the teacher is ready the student appears and when the student is ready the teacher appears.
-- Edited by kitty at 07:34, 2006-02-13
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I know when I go to do self care I always think of you. I am willing now in ways I was never before in order to take care of me and i know that is all I can do at the moment. When I am available to do something else I will be until then right now I have to hyper focus on self care.
