The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It does seem full of doom & gloom, step 4 with step 6 sitting right behind it and all. First time I worked throught the 12 steps, I thought step 4 was the most horrid negative thing I could have ever imagined, spouting off my character defects faster that you could say, "good day" boy could I belittle myself!
Your moral inventory doesn't have to be "all negative" & step 6 is there ofr you to offer up to HP any of those that you wish to be rid of.
It has nothing to do with being "unowrthy of life or putting yourself down" it has to do with being free of negativity. God loves us all, it is we who judge ourselves.
I can go in with my onw ESH, ie: I have honor, this is a strong moral of my character but my being impatient, impudent, even willing to fight for the 'wrong' reasons, well these are some of my defects.
Everytime I work the steps, I have found new & different things... at one point I saw my being stubborn a negative thing but now, it is keeping on the path of my own growth. No one can tell u what it "right" for you, this is the most beautiful thing about our beloved Program, no one will advise you, we simply share our experience, strengths & hope.
In my experience, once I worked thru the steps once, it seems I work them all the time, daily, even simultaneously. I will rely on this Program for the rest of my life... It is spiritually upright, like the golden rule or a simple cosmic law being... what you put out, you get back ten-fold. I choose to believe I deserve better than abuse, in fact I will stand up & fight against abuse now, where as in the passed, I thought being a martyr was honorable & would have let you treat me like I a door mat.
I thank God for where I am today... marrying my ex, my family wasn't getting me to recovery but losing myself in loving a psychic vampire such as he... I wanted to die ten million times. For the first time in my life, I am beginning to live & the more awareness you have the more HP shows you. I no longer feel like God is laughing at me, I am being let in on many of the jokes today. I loved to the expense of *self*, I was dead inside all that went through me, was God. I hated myself cuz I never loved myself. These passed 4 months since I have clung onto something for me, it is growing like a wild-fire & I am understanding my own worth.
Also, there is always the next moment... the one coming in which your perception can be changed completely. We have choice & repentance. We can change & live a new life, as long as the breath oflife is in us, we always have a continual, second chance.
Hope that is comforting... Love, -kitty
-- Edited by kitty at 07:56, 2006-02-13
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
You know how they say "you get what you need"? Im finding that more and more lately.
Courage to Change - Feb 13
"Comparing myself to others was a defect of character. I focused on how others seemed to be grasping the program more quickly than I, had the "right" things to say when they shared, seemed more popular"
Today, just like the snowflake and the thumbprint, I realize that I too have special qualities.
I hadnt realized that comparing myself to others is considered a defect of character. I thought it had to be more of a tearing apart of oneself.
Hi Barbara, I am working on that step right now too. I am not quite sure which direction to go, so I am reading all I can from others with more step experience than I.
I thank you somuch for posting this. Cause I am kinda struggling right here also.
An old timer from my group told me not to obsess about removing all my character defects, he said you will always have some, you are human and they will go away about 15 seconds after you die. I guess what I am saying is work on the things that are getting in the way of your recovery and being a better person. Good Luck Step 4 goes on forever and ever if you want to be a healthy person.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
