The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have come a long way. I have a good support system set up. When I first came in didn't have any girlfriends. I didn't leave my husband side. I would call him all the time, follow him around every minutue of the day. I didn't feel comfortable leaving his side for any amount of time. The only time I was apart was that I had to work or he worked. When I first meet him the min I got off of work I would go to where he worked and hung out there. I didn't want to even go to the doctor by myself. I only left him because I had to get meds.
Now I have a lot of girlfriends. I go out dancing with girlfriends. I go to the meeting with my best friend on Thrusday. I have gone to my friends house for a couple of hours at a time. I have broken alot of my ties by calling him on the phone all the time. When he leaves the house I don't have to run to see where he is going. When he used to go out I would be walking the street looking for him by foot or by car. Not finding him crying my eyes out. Now he goes by foot and he might be gone for hours but I am ok with it. There is nothing I can do about it.
Now I want to go away with my girlfriends and I am nervous but I want to do it. I am working on separtating and be able to do things with my girlfriends I never was able to do that when I was a teenager. I never got to hang out with the girls. Go places be part of something. I want to feel like I belong. I finally have found a girlfriend who has included me in her life. I am hoping that I get enough strenght to leave his side for the weekend a hang out with the girls.
Anyone have suggestion how I can learn to separtate. Thank everyone
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
I think the A's love dramarama dig dong stuff. The more we can separate from them and stick to our own issues the better it is for us. I would start with a day or so and work up from there. Personally I have not had a good result from leaving the house for extended periods of time I come back to a real huge mess. I do not appreciate it. I think it is crucial to feel separate though but in control at the same time. They are not the most communicative bunch. I would also anticipate being punished. If you have been at the a's beck and call he is not going to like it when you are not there for him.
I have often found that I let friends talk me into agreeing to go somewhere with them or doing something with them and I get very excited about it. When the time comes to leave I come up with a hundred reasons I can't go and I don't. I have let my friends down numerous times and myself as well. I have found that when I force myself to go I end up having a wonderful time. I don't think about it, I just get in the car and gone. Once I'm there I am fine. Just go and have a ball.
This is what I want you to do. Remember all the times your A has gone out drinking with his buddies and not once given you a thought. All the times you were worried when he had been drinking and had taken your car and you were left with no transport. The lonely nights you sat at home and worried whether he had an accident or not. Give this one to higher power and ask him to give you the strength to stand up to your A and go and have a good time. You deserve it. You have come so far and I really enjoy you being in the chair at the chat room. Make 2006 your year. Luv Leo xx
Haven't heard from you in while. It just sounds so healthy what you are doing. The more we interact with other people the more we learn. I kinda lean towards Pia Mellody's definition of codependency. Difficulty with self esteem, boundaries, self care, etc. We just have to learn how to take care of ourselves. What a great start. I think that we get hooked into the disease and this isn't healthy for us or the A's.
thank you all. your right all the times he took off either by foot or by my car and I would be so upset where did he go. Is he ok is he getting into troblue. When will he be back well he be ok. I am lucky to have a good support system with so many people in my life both on and off line. He is still drinking and he doesn't look like he is interst in getting any help. That should help me going out for the weekend.
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
