The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
well this whole situation has been such a rollercoaster of emotions for me. my a has been gone for a little over two weeks, staying at his mothers. i had a really hard time, praying for him to come home, and thinking of ways i could fix this. he was doing meetings and trying to work a program. so i wanted to make this work. the whole time he has been feeding my mind with i love you and then i cant be with you and this and that. it hurt like crazy. but it was his decision and i cant control that. so i prayed to my hp to help me find acceptance. i couldnt accept what was happening and needed his help desperatly. last night i think i found acceptance. my a's mother called numerous times sounding crazy asking where the a was. he is missing, no one knows where he is, he has my bank card. welcome to my life dear mother in law. when i was at this stage calling and looking for him frantically she didnt care. the tables have turned and now she is the one going nuts. i have to laugh at this. im sitting there calmly on the phone telling her, he is out doing what he is doing...drinking/drugging. she told me if she heard from him she would get him to call me, i said are you kidding? im not looking for him. i didnt call to speak to him. you can call me and tell me if he is still alive, but i dont want to talk to him. thats it, i let it go. this brought back memories of all the times when he didnt come home and he was out binging. the time he cheated on me. i felt relief to know that i didnot have to sit and wait for him any longer. he is back to his old habits and im moving on from mine. i am not sad today. i am not angry. i feel acceptance over the whole situation and at peace. it's funny though how i thought him moving out would stop the insanity.....yet i still get the phonecalls from everyone looking for him panicking. i will detach mentally from the situation and pray for his hp to keep him safe through all this. today i have a whole new perspective on things. tomorrow may be different. but right now everything is as it should be. just wanted to share.
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stay in the now...dont look forward, dont look back....your life is what you make of it
Our Higher Power has us right where we need to be when we need to be there. Things will work out in His time, not our own. These are things that came to mind as I read your post. So glad that you have been taking care of you and can be at peace with where you are today. But I'll still be there if you need a 4:00 am chat.
Funny how the people in our lives just do not get it until it is smack in their face. I have often said to people, "Welcome to MY life!" They just do not get it, but that is not for me to figure out or to waste my time on.
We are out here cheering you on - you are so much stronger than you think - remember that. When I read your post - I was in a mood thinking about my ex and why when things were so good between us did he all of a sudden become different. I started feeling down about myself thinking I didnt give him enough, wasnt what he really wanted, that he wanted someone else. When I read your post - it reminded me that this disease really does destroy a person's decision making skills, character and life. Thank you for sharing what you are going through - it isnt easy I know - but you really are doing great.
I can feel such strength and peace in your post. I feel so happy for you :) Good things are on the way in your life and you so deserve better than you had! It is so sad that the disease is still consuming your A. My heart goes out to him as it does for other As struggling with this awful horrible disease! I admire you for all the hard work you have done to be where you are today. your friend in recovery, cdb :) xoxoxoxoxo (((((((nsn))))))
Your story has inspired me this evening, I have been yearning for that feeling that you have for a long time now. I know it is well deserved for you. Just remember to keep strong and relish in this new feeling that you have today! It is great!!
