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I never get to post on the weekends because I don't have a computer, but I'm hiding out at my brother's and felt I needed to vent. Yesterday was an extremely emotional day. My "a" has moved out but the kicker is he's hooked up with an unsuspecting female at work and has obviously told her his version of how much of a shrew I am, and I kicked him out. I knew he was coming by to get his money from the bank, when I arrived home I saw a young girl in a car by my mailbox, then saw him peering around the corner. When he saw me he bolted back to the condo. I guess it doesnt matter who she his because at this point he has told her as much as he wants her to know. He's good looking and a charmer, which is obviously how he got me 4 years ago. She didn't see him climb through my screened in porch and enter into the condo, which I let him know how disrespectful it was. He has become cold towards me, he doesn't want to talk. Basically he's found someone else who will be there to comfort him. I couldn't hold my tongue yesterday, I said well I guess you have moved on quite well and doing good. He basically said that this is why he doesn't want to speak to me. At some point I had to excuse myself because the breakdown was coming, he left immediately kissing the kids goodbye and walking out. I feel so dismissed, I finally allowed myself to just let it out. I really don't know if I can do this co-parent thing with him right now. I have avoided his calls all day.
My kids are really feeling it now too and all I can tell them is Daddy loves them. I just can't see him until I feel strong enough to let him come over and visit the kids without bringing anything up about him already hooked up with another woman. My kids are not ready to meet someone new, and I'm not about to let this young girl into our lives to parent my kids. I know its the nature of the beast when you end a relationship and have kids together, but I'm not ready. I thought about this girl last night, because she only knows one side of this and is in for a long ride. I know he's manipulating her because she's showing interest and he doesn't want to stay at his parents house.
My family has been great as support, but I feel like I'm back in the obsession cycle with this. I'm really heart broken just two days ago he said "well maybe this is the push I need to get myself on track and lets see if we can put this back together". It was a lie. I really love this person but I see now that I just couldn't detach from what was happening in his life. The dream I had was sobriety and complete change, and maybe a year or so down the road we would reconcile, but i see that was only my dream, if he wanted that dream he probably would have stuck to his program the other three times. Sorry this is so long I just needed to vent this all out.
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Ah, so sorry, that must have been painful. It's hard to let go of the fantasies in our heads - sometimes they have to ripped out in a painful way.
But, you know, this vision you have NOW of the future may be as wrong as the other one. You really don't know what will be happening a year from now. One day at a time, do the next right thing, live in the moment ... I know you've heard those words before! I find them specially helpful at hard times, when I just can't see any light at the end of the tunnel.
I can just imagine what you are feeling right now. Sometimes I think the hardest part is thinking that he will stop his addiction for this other person. Just remember you did not cause his addiction any more than she will cure it. It is more important than ever to take care of yourself first. ONE DAY AT A TIME. Try not to imagine what might happen tomorrow because we never know what tommorrow will bring. Just remember that you got through today and i bet you thought you couldn't do that.
I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through. My alcoholic husband says he wants to be "doted" on and he left his first wife for a girl eleven years younger than him because she "doted" on him. She only heard one side of his story and saw him as this wonderful person who tried so hard with his mean, evil wife. I even fell for his stupid story about his witch of an ex-wife. Well the thing with the younger girl didn't work out. She was a gold digger and when the money stopped flowing, she was gone. The money stopped flowing because alcoholics can't keep anything together for very long. Anyway, now I'm with this charming, good looking drunk because I bought the story too. I felt sorry for him and used to think "how could that woman be so mean to him? He's so nice to me and so considerate!" Well, I now realize there is another side to the story. I've never talked to her, but I'm piecing things together. He was constantly drunk and she had all she could take. He then moved on to the gold digging bimbo and thought he had it made. She let him drink all he wants as long as he kept giving her money. It was a sick situation. Anyway, it's only a matter of time before he finds someone new to "dote" on him and let him drink himself stupid. Then I'll become the mean ex-wife and you can see where this is going. Anyway, hang on because this will fall apart for him and his new woman will start to realize what he's all about. It might take awhile, but their "happiness" won't last. I'm quite sure of it. For now, I hope you can take care of your kids and yourself and do the best you can do. I know time can heal anything, but it's hard to get through until then. I wish you the best.
She didn't see him climb through my screened in porch and enter into the condo, which I let him know how disrespectful it was. He has become cold towards me, he doesn't want to talk. Basically he's found someone else who will be there to comfort him. I couldn't hold my tongue yesterday, I said well I guess you have moved on quite well and doing good. He basically said that this is why he doesn't want to speak to me. At some point I had to excuse myself because the breakdown was coming, he left immediately kissing the kids goodbye and walking out. I feel so dismissed, I finally allowed myself to just let it out. I really don't know if I can do this co-parent thing with him right now. I have avoided his calls all day.