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I'm very torn on this topic and am hoping for some alanon advice. My sister is currently in rehab for the 5th or 6th time and today is her birthday. She and I were very close growing up, but have grown more and more apart over the last 8 years of her active use. We get closer during periods of her recovery only for all of that effort to be wiped away when she relapses.
I sent a birthday card to the rehab facility because I truly wanted and hope that she has a happy birthday. Earlier this week I asked my mom (who is in contact with the rehab) if we would be able to visit her on her birthday. I was told that when my mom had asked about that last week the counselor had said that my sister is not yet allowed to have visitors. I felt good about that because I'm hoping this time will be different. In the past there were always lots of family visits during the rehab stays. I was quite surprised to hear yesterday that the counselor had changed is mind and is now allowing my parents would be picking my sister up at the rehab and were allowed 3 hours with her to take her for a birthday dinner. My sister asked the counselor if I could attend as well and he said yes.
I have conflicting feelings about whether or not I truly want to attend. Part of me wants to go as I love my sister. Also, I'm very close with my family and don't want to be left out of this event. But the other part of me is feeling anxious as sometimes these family gatherings leave me feeling left out, or angry because everyone spends the time pretending that everything is perfectly normal. As if my sisters visiting from college rather than her 6th rehab. I'm wondering if by sitting this out I'm just trying to punish my sister for all that she has put our family through. In my heart I know that punishing her doesn't do any good, but I have a lot of anger and hurt that I'm tired of pushing off to the side just for the benefit of the family unit.
You aren't alone here because we all have these questions and many others. What it comes down to, is think about it, check your motives and pray for advice. You then will be able to decided what you want to do. When advice comes from your heart and mind it's so much better for your recovery.
Keep coming back....we are open 24/7 and the ESH ( experience, strength and hope ) is fantastic!!
(((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Hi, Shayne: Your sister has a disease that is a compulsion. She isn't a bad person any more than a cancer patient is a bad person. I do believe the disease puts us all through things and it is at that I can place my anger. My son is an A. He didn't wake up one day and make the choice to be that. He just is that. I have to separate myself from him sometimes which breaks my heart, but it is necessary for me to take care of me because the disease sure won't. It has the power to destroy me as much as it can destroy my son. If he were in rehab and it was his birthday, I would attend it because there is no guarantee that I would have another day with him like that one. I don't do it for him. I do it for me.
I have just joined and am reading some of comments yours stuck me because my son is an addict and his brother is very distant from him. this hurts me so much can you help me with some advice on how to accept this I feel he should try to support his brother.. thank you
The only requirement for Al-Anon is that we are affected by someone else's drinking or using. You sound affected like I was affected by my alcoholic/addict wife's drinking and using. I thought as you have expressed here and tried to rationalize my reactions like you have also. I had to learn that this disease affects everyone that it comes into contact with in a negative way. You've been thru this 6 times? It's continuing? You love her and don't want to be around her? All normal thoughts and feels for the experience. Suggestion...look up the hotline number for Al-Anon in your local phone book's white pages. Call that number and if you don't get a live voice listen to the recording which will tell you where and when we get together to create understanding and solution in your area and then come as soon as you can. She has a life threatening disease...it is threatening your life also. Keep coming back here also. In support ((((hugs))))
