The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband came home today with his paycheck...but I am worried that he will slip out after I go to sleep tonight. My ex said he would bring my daughter tonight between 5-6pm...it's 5:22pm and they aren't here yet. What if they don't come? I worry over everything. I don't know how to stop. I can't control if my husband uses and my bills are paid and there is food in the kitchen. I can't control if my ex brings my daughter and my attorney is working on custody. I worry over things even though they are out of my control. How do I stop?
When I felt as you, I said the Serenity prayer over and over. I mean over and over and over Then I fit what ever was bugging me into the prayer.
God please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, my A saying he plans to kill himself, change the things I can, take care of me and surrender my A to my hp. And the wisdom to know the difference.
I cannot make my A do anything. I cannot save him from himself. He has to.
I pictured him in hp's hands.
Then I went out to my deck and looked to the mountains and literally threw, my life to my hp.I felt this heaviness leave me when I surrendered to hp. I thought about what surrender means. Letting go, accepting what ever comes next and making the best of it.
Letting the heaviness go. It is normal to be concerned. But worry is actually damaging. I had to remind myself to surrender it. Now it comes natural most of the time. Sometimes it kicks in a bit later.
Let go, take things as they come, you cannot change it or control it anyway. All that worry exausts you.
It is very hard, for you, I believe becuz you are dealing with your child. That is a tough one. Do your best to put it into hp's hands.
Please let us know what comes.. I care and am here to listen.
For me it was the damage the worrying was doing to my health. I was going crazy! So I tried only focusing on what I could control. I could control me and what I do. I could control some things like teaching my 4 yr old to call home when with her dad an A. I could clean the house instead of fretting over the what if's. I could read the literature and go to my f2f meetings. It worked for me.
I don't think we ever completely stop worrying over things, but one thing that has worked the best for me is the Serenity Prayer. I've said it over and over many nights until I fell asleep just to get through the night. Another thing that has helped me was repeating the three C's: I didn't cause this, I can not control this, and I can not cure it. My A has a drug addiction. Many nights I sat up worrying about him, trying to find him, trying to find a magical way to cure him. But as I began working on my recovery (almost a year and a half ago) I realized that all I am doing is harming myself by all the worry I was causing myself. Nothing I did would make him come home any faster, in fact, it kept him away longer. I realized that I can only be in control of my life, that I am responsible for me alone, and that If I continued doing the things I was doing, then I was making myself sicker than my addict. My addict can not make my life powerful and more manageable. He couldn't even do that for himself. It is up to me to make my life managable. Keep working the program, it does work, and know that while things may not seem to be that great right now, they will get better---if you work it.
Hugs,
Hightide
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"Taking one day at a time, Brining me one day closer to recovery."
If I have no expectations of my addict, then I'll have nothing to be disappointed about."
Reading kept me sane. As much alanon literature or recovery literature I could get my hands on. Daily newsletter from hazelden.org. Also, if you can focus on one thing for 5 minutes many times a day--to empty your thoughts. Examples: Eat fresh strawberries and note the texture of them, eating slowly, even noticing the seeds perhaps for the first time.
What are ALL the colors in a rainbow? ALL the colors in a sunset?
When the stinking thinking comes calling and all seems too much and overwhelming,,reach out call your sponsor,,get to an alanon meeting, talking things out and reasoning for me was the only way to get out of whatever my "desperate " mood was in. We tend to start assuming, and projecting that for me only made my fears and anxiety worse, so reaching out to an alanon friend , to quiet my head was the only way I could back onto task. Another thing comes to mind the slogan HALT,,,, are you Hungry Angry Lonely Tired? These are little things that made me stop and "Think"..so eat if you are hungry,,,vent to an alanon fried if you are angry,,, call a friend or go visit if you are lonely, and have a rest or a nap if you are tired. Only "you" can take care of "your needs"......................gardengal
When I worry, it helps me to rant into my journal, to specifically state what I'm afraid of, and then look for solutions or mini-steps I can take. (I like what was said above about what you have control over;).
And then (hopefully) take some of these mini-steps, or schedule them.
Often, I realize my energy level fell - that I'm hungry, or that I need to go outside for a walk, get physical exercise - it helps to be more balanced, especially if you go with a friend/relative - someone you can talk to. Can be talking about other things too, to take your mind off things...
