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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Hi, I am new
Post Info TOPIC: Hi, I am new
warped_mind


Newbie

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Hi, I am new
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Hello. I just thought I would come out here and introduce myself. My name is Julia. I am new to this site and to al-anon. I have been in a relationship with an addict for two years and I think it is time for me to change. I need a change because I cannot stand the way I constantly feel.


Lonely,desperate and obesessed are the best ways to describe my everyday feelings. I am tired of this. I am only 20 years old and I feel like my life is a wreck. For the past two years of my life I have been in love with a man who is 20+ years older then me and addicted to cocaine. I have literally seen his life go down the drain and there was nothing that I could do to stop it from happening. I attend college in another city so sometimes we go for months without seeing eachother (our relationship is for the most part long distance) but we usually talk on the phone regularily when he is not using drugs. I cannot stand when he is using drugs, it kills me.


Sometimes I will be here and call him obsessively when he is using. I worry 24/7 about the man that I love and it drives me nuts. One time he left his cell phone in the car during a dr.'s appointment and I got worried that he was using coke. I ended up calling him 86 times in the span of 2 hours! I am totally going crazy over this man. It may be hard to understand given that he is so much older then me, but can we really control who we fall in love with?


Sometimes I also wonder why he is in love with me. He also has an addiction to sex, thus I wonder if he actually enjoys me for me or enjoys me because of my age and race. I hope this makes sense.



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ashraven


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I understand how you feel.  Lonley, desperate, and obsessed describe my daily feelings also.  Of course, I've never been able to describe it so well  :) 

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~ashraven~
leo


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 999
Date:
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Hi WM,


You are in the right place.  Try to get yourself to some meetings, chat or just keep posting on the board.  Working the steps will give you a focus in your life that concentrates on your needs first and it will help you when you feel the need to call your A all the time.  Keep posting on the board and we will all help out when we can.  Hugs  Leo xx



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jkl


Member

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Hi WM

I can relate a little to how you feel calling him so much. Back when I didn't live w/ my bf I called him ALL the time every minute somtimes, I was so insecure I was scared he was cheating on me. Not saying you are in that way we are different. But I can relate to calling constantly and obsessing about your bf. Try thinking more about you, if ya can. Good luck and stay strong.

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MFran


Veteran Member

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Posts: 61
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Hi Julie, welcome to the board.  You are not alone in how your feel.  Try to focus on yourself and no so much on your bf.  You are important.


 


Mfran



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koala


Member

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Posts: 15
Date:
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Hi,


I am fairly new as well. I am still getting my head around the idea that I have to decrease myfocus on the addict in my life and think of myself for a change. I have made little babysteps towards taking more care of me. The worry is still there but it doesn't consume my existence totally as it did about a few weeks ago. It's not easy but it's the only way in order to restore my sanity. Hang in there. Things can only get better. This site is wonderful. It gives me comfort to know that I am not alone.


Andrea



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Andrea Streckfuss
jrtjosey


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 818
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Welcome and please join us in the chat room too.  We can help you to turn the focus on to you.  Just click on the link above meeting/chatroom.  Hope you are looking for help locally as well.  Face to face meetings are so important to recovery whether you learn to live with an addict or chose to leave.  Finding a sponsor to talk to and help you work through the steps with is such a blessing.


josey



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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
mebjk


Senior Member

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Posts: 274
Date:
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Hello, warped,
We are so glad you are here. Your reaching out and telling the truth about your life is good for all of us, too.
I agree with jrt. It is good to take part in chat on this site. It is also good to get to a face to face meeting, where you will find a list of phone numbers. Use them! When you call someone in Alanon, you also help that person to stay on the program. And the steps are wonderful - so wonderful that none of us can explain! They get the focus on you and what you can do for yourself.
What a great thing that you have found Alanon at such a young age!
Keep coming back, it works!
Blessings,
mebjk

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mebjk
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Hi, I am new