Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

ihs4hpe · Newbie

Family member supervising Antabuse compliance

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

ihs4hpe wrote:
I'm looking for input about whether asking my qualifier to take Antabuse, and be supervised when he does to insure compliance is a good or not so good idea.
I am the caregiver for my mother with late stage cancer and for my dad, the alcoholic. I'm concerned that his return to drinking will jeopardize her health, so I'm grasping at straws.

well you can't force him, what is his feelings about taking this???? ....i have heard that one must take it regularly so when they drink they get really nauseous and sick.....dunno much about the drug, but as with any drug, one has to TAKE it and be WILLING to take it for it to work......is he ambulatory enough to go to AA????

I am so sorry about your mom....

as to dad, if he is unwilling to go into AA and work a strong program, hes gonna drink, most likely........AA is the only way for any chance of sucess....there is also a drug called acamprosate or something like that that blocks the cravings?? but there again, I don't think a magic pill w/out any program AA is going to work....he can "fake it" tell you he took it and drink when your back is turned....the pill has to be taken regularly.....i am NOT an expert in this, but to me??? AA is the only way....AA gets to the heart of whats going on w/him, the support...the fellowship of AA is the best chance and even then he is sober one day at a time....AA is a life commitment if one wants to get sober and stay that way........they have to WANT help...otherwise there is nothing you can do ,

but as for you, I would as a child of alcoholic in this situation, I would get a sponsor, get workbooks on the steps and work them, also i would attend as many alanon meets as you can, and work YOUR program for YOU, b/c having an alkie dad is impacting your life and you can only take care of you....your mom needs you in one piece....i do hope you will dive into this program to care for yourself so you can be there for your mom.........

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

You can ask him but if he doesn't want to do it, he wont or he will cheek them, spit them out, drink anyhow...

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dean Jeanette Welcome -- Alcoholism is a progressive fatal illness over which we are powerless, as others have said you can ask your Dad if he would comply with the antabuse meds. but in viewing the reality of the disease of alcoholism it is not unlikely to be successful.

I am sorry to read about both Mom and Dad's illnesses and believe that in order for you to maintain this high level of care taking , it would be wise if you searched out a support group for yourself. Alanon is a fellowship of people who live with or have with the disease of alcoholism. Face to face meetings are held in most communities and the hot line number is listed in the white pages.

It is at these meetings I finally was able to break the isolation caused by this disease, connect with others who could offer constructive support while I learned how to use new constructive tools to cope. It is here that I finally learned how to keep the focus on myself while caring for others, live one day at a time, with courage, serenity and wisdom and trust a Higher Power.
We have on line meetings here as well so please keep coming back

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

My understanding about Antabuse is that it works on the liver and does nothing to help an alcoholic recover. It might help them to stay dry or make them very ill or kill them if they drink while taking it. I agree with the other posters and hope that if you are not in Al-Anon, you find a meeting in your area. I also hope you have some relief in the form of Hospice caregivers so that you can get out and take care of you? Keep coming back. I'm glad you're here.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

You already have one person in your care; trying to keep watch on a possibly non-compliant alcoholic sounds as like a recipe for extreme stress to me. The situation is already stressful enough as it is.

Is there a hospital or hospice social worker you could talk to about how to keep your father from endangering your mother?

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hugs.

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Jeanette, welcome to Miracles In Progress,

When my alcoholic wife left rehab the first time, she decided to go on Antabuse. The nurse that gave it to her said it was now my responsibility to ensure that she take it, that I was to be the compliance person. That was a terrible idea.

Wife was OK for awhile, but once she started to relapse, I couldn't tell if she had taken it. I would ask her if she had, she would assure me that she had and forgot to show me. After a while I just gave up, because it was causing more stressful fights than it was supposedly curing any drinking on her part.

I'm not convinced it did any good anyway. She is a binge drinker, and she could down a whole lot of vodka before she would get sick. I was concerned that it would kill her. So I was actually kinda happy when she stopped.

So, my experience with this is not good. The best thing she did was get into good recovery in AA after 2nd rehab. And I got into Al Anon, so I could get me taken care of. Alcoholism causes horrible isolation, and Al Anon can help with that. If you can't get out of the house, then you can go to our online meetings twice a day here in our chatroom at www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

In the experience of Al Anon members, you can't control his drinking. So if he decides to drink again, he will, it doesn't matter if he is supposed to be taking medicine, all bottles are thrown out of the house, or whatever. That is, unfortunately, his decision. The realization of that, and the understanding that you really have no control over it, therefore can give up trying to control it, will free you. I can't believe what peace and serenity it gave me when I accepted those premises and re-evaluated my actions based on that. That is what Al Anon can do for you too!

Peace
Kenny

sunshine23 · Veteran Member

My A took Antabuse voluntarily. However it did not work for him. He drank through the symptoms and was finally "immune". I sense that he was rather proud and desperate that it did not work. On one hand he said things like "even Antabuse ..." On the other, he was taking many and crying that it did not work. Working the program is still the better way to go.

-- Edited by sunshine23 on Thursday 5th of June 2014 09:16:35 AM

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

you are in a tough place. You also sound like a very loving, caring, person!

Yes I can see why you are reaching for anything to make things better. Sadly antabuse is poison. Many drink right anyway and they are sicker.

Remember we cannot control anyone else but ourself. He is going to do what he is. Mom surely has been with him long enough to know he is A and has her own coping ways.

For him to stop he would need detox etc and to go on a program of recovery, does not sound like that is an option.

All one can do is take care of what they can. He has to be left to his own decisions. He has a right to that. I do understand your wanting to protect your mom, it may be however it bothers you more than her.

My own mother told me when she was living with breast cancer, she was more concerned about her loved ones than herself. Your mom needs YOU to be ok honey.

My heart goes out to you. When I was with my Mother I held her, I gave her so much love and attention, held back nothing. I have no regrets. I pulled a recliner next to her bed and slept in it holding her hand.

Please take care of you too, I hope you have support! The cancer society can bring her a hospital bed and other things for free if you need! If you need to pm I am here for you. sending you all love!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

J...coming here is great support. You can get supportive ideas, Experiences, Strengths and Hope immediately. Your spot it a tough one as has already been said both diseases can be fatal and alcoholism is incurable. For the Cancer see if you can get as much information about how asparagus works as a cure and if that is available for her. Yes alcoholism will exacerbate her condition...not good at all. It will also exacerbate yours...try focusing on the 3cees of our program to take responsibility pressure off...We didn't cause it...cannot control it and ...will not cure it. For me that awareness caused me to back off of trying too hard to do the impossible. If there is an AA central in your town in the white pages of your local telephone book, try calling it and asking if there are any recovering alcoholics who have signed up to do face to face "wet" calls. That means they will come and talk to your alcoholic father whether he want to or thinks about getting sober himself. Sometimes that works and other times not however if the attempt is available why not try then just focus on Mom and yourself. Prayers going out your way for you all. (((((hugs))))) smile

ihs4hpe · Newbie

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I've been going to meetings and have a sponsor, but not very far along. I realize this is a terribly late "thank you"--posted my question over a year ago. My father has since declared he will not take Antabuse.

Thanks again.

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Jeanette -

I have no experience with it but did want to Welcome you (back) to MIP!!!

Keep coming back!

Mike B · Senior Member

Welcome back Jeannette! Great to have you posting again. smile

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene