The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i just recently have no contact with my dad. he is an A who chose drinking over his family.i think i am torturing myself. i keep thinking about my dad. i wonder what he is doing, where he is, what he's thinking, who he's with, how he is doing...blah blah blah.
i know that he isn't thinking of me, and i think that is why i am thinking the way i am. i know that he is is just ignoring the problem and in his warped mind-he thinks nothing is wrong. he probably just tells himself that i have been really busy.
this just sucks b/c i can't get him out of my mind. some days i am fine. i don't think about him and i go on with my day as usual. then other days are like this one. UHHHHH
i know how you feel flint, its been 3 weeks though since i have seen my "A" ex boyf.
and do you know what, im better off. i have no worries every day now.. i switched off completely...
i had to, for my own sanity. i couldnt live my life like that, wathing, worrying, waiting, listening to the emotional abuse, guilt trips, etc....
i could do it anymore. so i refused to live my life by someone elses rules.
i made my own.
im living life for me. im relaxing, reading novels, taking long hot lavender baths, doing night time courses, making new friends, catching up with old ones etc...
start living live FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
its not fair on you.... to worry about someone you have NO CONTROL OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The saying goes.....When we get busy we get better. I would suggest keeping yourself busy. Fill your mind with program tools, meetings, a sponsor etc. Doing so will teach you how to use the tools of this program to not obsess so much over your dad.
Making plans with friends, going to a movie, out to lunch etc will also help keep your mind off him and what he's doing.
Try not to take it so personal that he's not thinking of you or addressing his drinking problem. He's an alcoholic doing what alcoholics not in recovery do. It's nothing personal toward you or even about you.
Something else to keep in mind that will help you.....your Dad isn't choosing drinking over his family. An alcoholic has no *choice* in the matter. They have lost the ability to choose and their obsessive compulsive behavior has taken over when it comes to alcohol. Your dad is sick, not a bad person or bad father, just a sick man.
__________________
Kathy S --
~*I trust my Higher Power that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life today.*~
Hello again flint, sorry you are hurting so bad. I hope uhave found al anon meetings for yourself. it will help ease the pain of loving an alcoholic. Thaks to this program i ws able to continue having a relationship with a practicing A. Instead of cutting them out of my life which is just too damn painfil. Pleae get some help for yourself . Venting is a good thing but if you don't have solutions it is just that venting and gets u know where.
I know u love your dad I have read many of your posts that is painfully clear.So please stop hurting yourself. good luck Louise
It's so hard isn't it?!?! I Know it's been two days since I talked to my Dad- (I didn't cut off contact- just been busy and recently celebrated my 21st B-day yesterday and didn't want to talk about NE Thing to do w/ drinking w/ him) But NE ways, it's driving me nuts! I worry about him everyday I don't talk to him, worry he may be depressed, drinking lonely, etc... I think about him everyday and it IS painful to wonder. hang in there though. I just started posting here and all the support is sooo helpful, I hope everyone's postings have made you feel a little better. Keep busy and try to smilehttp://www.sparkimg.com/emoticons/smile.gif http://www.sparkimg.com/emoticons/smile.gif
Hope you read Kathy's reply - think she said it all.
Around 2 years ago, I did an Alanon table at a Fresher's Fair in one of the London colleges. Met a student, a young girl, was feeling so desperate - she had left her mother, knew mom was an A - terrified mom might get drunk, set the house on fire, etc etc. It is so hard to deal with this illness. What can you say? Mom might well be doing all manner of dangerous things - her daughter cant stop living, waiting till her mother stops drinking.
I so agree with Kathy - your dad did not "choose" alcohol over his family, just, right now, he has not found the strength to cope with his illness.
I am sorry you are going through this - not the same as my experiences, but, I did find, when I got some recovery, through Alanon, everyone in the family benefitted. Just my experience.
Try to keep the focus on you. You can seek recovery, make a better life for you - and, I dont know how it works, but it does, there is a ripple effect, other members of the family will also benefit.
