The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well I am going out of town today. I will only be gone for one night, but I am extremely nervous. I won't get back until late tomorrow--why it would really make a decision in what he does is beyond me. But for some reason I just keep thinking "what if". See the last couple of times I've gone anywhere over night (it's been a year) he has left the house in the middle of the night to go get himself a hit. Well he left children at home alone--not that I would want him to put them in the car and take them with him--BUT I just don't want him to leave!!! All I can think is well he never leaves in the middle of the night when I am home. He has been clean for about 4 days, while I know this is just a tiny drop in the bucket I am truly excited for each clean day. I just hope he can continue to stay strong--AGAIN-what really does this have to do with me! I can't control any of it. If he wants he uses when I'm home, so why does it matter where I am? I am going to take my Courage to CHange book with me and pray that I can enjoy myself and not worry and think about (obsess) what might be going on.
On another note-today is my anniversary--he bought me flowers yesterday. He said see I can get out of "self" every now and then. That did brighten my day.
but sorry to be the bearer of bad news, if he wants to do it--he will. hopefully he won't!
if i were you, i would stay in touch with him. i'm not saying call him every ten minutes. but call to tell him you love him, you miss him, see how things are going. it might ease your mind a bit.
have fun on your trip. try not to worry, you can't babysit him forever.
This is where I have learned to have plan B and Cs in place for the kids. Make sure they have emergency numbers to call. That way if he did leave and one woke up, they could call the emergency person and feel safe! I was left home once as a child with my grandmother and she snuck out. I actually pretended I was asleep and after she left I literally went hysterical! She went to my grandpa's bar and I called there. She said she would be right home. Well I was so scared in her house (she always told me there was a boogie man in the basement) I went outside in my pajamas in the middle of the street and screamed and cried. No one heard or came so I went back in the house. This haunted me into my adult life.
This is my experience and others here have talked about having other plans for similiar reasons like you. Do what you can to make the kids safe. cdb your friend in recovery,,, xoxoxoxoxo
Well I would have plan a, b,c,d,. I have to say when last I went out of town in November I was really angry when I came back to a house that was a mess with no food in it. The A had a field day while I was away. He became very angry.
Now I would know to counter that fantasy very well. I also know not to expect anything from his family of origin. I think its difficult to be in reality with an A. They give the illusion of a promise but it is so so often not true.
I find myself devastated far less these days when I have reasonable expectations.
I can so identify with the anxiety of going away. It had always been my A's mo to get high when I went away. I would be so anxious before I left, would hem and haw at myself on whether I should go, yada, yada, yada....It didn't matter how I got myself worked up..he was going to do what he wanted. In August he did exactly that (again) when I went to FL except this time I had made the decision that he had to go. And he did for 5 months. 4 of which were spent drinking, drugging and whoring but not in my house. he finally reached bottom on Dec 21st the last 1 1/2 months were in rehab.
I think the back up plan is the best idea. Keep your kids safe, and don't stop yourself from living. It's your life, you deserve to live it.
My main worry would be the kids too how old are they? I guess if you send the kids to someone elses place it is a form of enabling but I wouldn't care about that for your own peace of mind. Bottom line will you enjoy your overnight trip if you are worried sick about the kids? I don't think so. Keep in touch so we know how it went Luv Leo xx
