The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My alcoholic (but won't admit it) husband has been laid off now for six weeks. He has been cooking supper and doing dishes, which I appreciate and have told him. Yesterday, he asked me when I would be home for supper. I told him around 5:15. I picked up my son at his after school program and didn't get home until around 5:35 (my son is ADHD and transitions are hard for him). This was actually making pretty good time. My A was already eating his supper, but the rest was ready for me. I don't care if he's eating already. Why would I care? He doesn't need to wait for me. I'm quite certain he was sitting in a bar most of the day. Anyway, he jumped all over me expecting me to be mad because he was eating already. I told him I wasn't mad and I can NEVER get anywhere on time. I told him that I gave him my BEST estimate of when I would be home. I've told him time and time again that I don't expect us to eat together. I left it at that and went about my business. Later on in the evening, there was an incident where he pushed my seven year old son. This was not a serious incident, but I won't explain it. Anyway, my son gets very upset and he called his dad. My son gave the phone to me and I explained the situation to his dad. It was not as bad as it sounded and my son was being somewhat naughty. Anyway, after I gave the phone back to my son, my A starts yelling and swearing at me that if my ex comes over he is going to "beat his ass". I told him he was not coming over and that there is no reason to overreact. Then I turned around and walked away. My A ended up going upstairs to the spare bed to sulk and drink. I didn't follow him, I didn't let him upset me and I didn't even acknowledge that I gave a damn. My son and I had a good evening together and I practiced my dance steps and that was it. Like someone on this site told me, I don't have to attend the fight and guess what, I didn't attend! This one small accomplishment has me feeling very, very good. I just want to thank everyone on this site for their words of wisdom. Remembering these things helps me get through the days of living with a laid off alcoholic. Thanks!
This sounds like a Huge accomplishment to me! Keep up the good work. The program works if we work it. Thanks for sharing this situation with us too. It helps others learn. your friend in recovery, cdb :)
Lindy: good for you. I have recently started doing that work of not attending. I think it requires great discipline on my part. I have been tested and came through but I know it will require a lot of vigilance to keep up.
