The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
And here we go. I start the f2f meetings, one time and he's already starting. Wanting to know what's going on with "us". I explained that I'm trying to better myself, physically by working out and mentally by going to the meetings. That I needed to find serenity, as they say. His response........"whomever ever THEY are". This coming from a man that's been through the process for about 3 years now and still attends meetings. How very frustrating. He says that I seem unhappy when in all honesty, it's him that's not happy. Not happy when all of us are home, not happy when we're gone. Not happy that he can't drink, unhappy that I get upset when he does. Unhappy that he can't work, but not willing to do some sort of volunteering to keep busy. Nothing is ever good enough is it? The daily for yesterday said this..."Troubles are opportunities to grow, to make us better, not bitter". Ironic that I should start my first f2f with that.......I've had a number of men tell me that I am a bitter woman. Then they follow it up with "your poor husband". Poor husband?!!!!! Who do they think made me this way? I'm proud of myself though, I stuck to my guns and told him that I'm doing this for me, the kids and even him. That I need to be well for the family and most of all myself. That it had nothing to do with our marriage and my feelings for him. He just kept right on being the angry, sacarstic man I know and I didn't bend, get upset or fly off the handle. See, this board has already helped me. And I didn't use that "why" word at all today!
you sound like you are on the right track. i know it is going to be a rough ride for you and the rest of your family. coming here, going to the meetings, and staying strong is the right track. best wishes.
Your post sounds very familiar! I've been going to meetings for 3 years and he resented every meeting I went to. He was angry and miserable and wouldn't admit it. Now that he is sober and actually working the AA program he understands and has apoligized. He's been going to 1-2 meetings a day for 3 months now. Unforntunealy for us it was too little too late.
Stick to your guns and keep going to your meetings. Set your boundries and keep them. You will find alot of experience, strength and hope here. I often run into meeting with topics that are exactly fitting to my day. Our HP works in mysterious ways.
Find little ways to get away or treat yourself. You're worth it!
You know what Nettie I think the A's resent that we are becoming stronger and standing up for ourselves in our relationships with them as well as others. Keep doing what is making you healthier and forget about the negativity. Luv Leo x
...The daily for yesterday said this..."Troubles are opportunities to grow, to make us better, not bitter". Ironic that I should start my first f2f with that.......I've had a number of men tell me that I am a bitter woman. Then they follow it up with "your poor husband". Poor husband?!!!!! Who do they think made me this way?
I'm proud of myself though, I stuck to my guns and told him that I'm doing this for me, the kids and even him.
That I need to be well for the family and most of all myself.
That it had nothing to do with our marriage and my feelings for him. He just kept right on being the angry, sacarstic man I know and I didn't bend, get upset or fly off the handle. See, this board has already helped me. And I didn't use that "why" word at all today!
So glad to see that you are here and working to be well for yourself. Our program really teaches us to look at ourself, at our own behaviors, at our own thinking. We come into this program with that distorted thinking of "its all their fault for drinking, if they didn't ____ (fill in the blank), everything would be fine". But we find as we progress in our program that we too had and have a part in our life, how it was, how it is, how it can be.
You say you've had others tell you that you are bitter. Then you say... Who do they think made me this way? I can certainly relate to those feelings of bitterness, anger, etc. And I will share with you what was shared with me and was the turning point in my own recovery. "You allow it." What those 3 words mean is simply this, no one can "make" us anything. We are in charge (or should be) of our own feelings and behavior. We CAN choose what kind of person we want to be. We MUST own and be responsible for our own self/feelings/behavior. No more blame game. We do not have to react to the actions of another, to their moods. We can remain calm and enjoy our day even when others are stomping around and muttering about how bad life is. This was such a freeing concept to me, to realize that I did not have to take on the same mood as those around me. That I could CHOOSE how I wanted MY day to go, how I wanted to feel.
Keep coming back ((((Nettie)))). It can get better!
With program love, Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
