Good morning everyone,

I had a revelation about revelations this morning. I have slowly had my eyes opening up and this program is working its magic. This morning I had a revelation - my AH needs to have his OWN revelations.  I often have to learn my lessons a number of times before they actually "Stick" and then I am still surprised that what I learned is a actually true and it makes my life better for it. Is must be the same for my AH. He HAS to learn his OWN lessons or they don't mean anything. I have seen him make promises that he didn't want to break, but his disease has control of him. I am inclined to think that by ME getting out of HIS way - to let him do whatever he wants (according my boundaries of course) and getting out of his way - he has been learning lessons and had his own revelation today, perhaps one that will "stick". 

I think that by not being angry and trying to give him his space to screw up - he spent less energy focused on ME... on reacting to me or defending himself to me. Frankly, I think that let him sit and dwell on his own crap, instead of mine. He has begun or is beginning to see his disease in a different light now. 

A few days ago he was very very very sure that he was about to be harmed in some way by the gangsters he hangs out with. (kidnapped, killed, who knows). He swore up and down he wouldn't go back. Needless to say, to no surprise of my own, he took one day off and then last night returned. He spent another $500. I didn't call him, or bug him. I actually didn't even check on iCloud to see where he was lol!. When he called me in the middle of the night and asked me to come get him. I tried to nicely explain that I was really tired and that I could maybe come in the morning...then I called back and asked him to just park the car somewhere and get a taxi, because I didn't want to be a part of it. 

He texted me and apologized and told me that i have been more than supportive. He needs to help himself now. That if I ever see him with a drink I should leave him. When he got home the first thing he did was hand me his wallet, took out his drivers license and said that is all he needs to take with him anymore - he can't be trusted. But he wasn't being "poor me' he was being serious. He actually DECLARED that he is powerless over alcohol! Woah. This is a big one. He is actually stating his action plan of when he will start taking his withdrawal medicine. He even planned ahead! holy cow. He has an obligation this weekend and know that he will be out of commission during withdrawals. I have NEVER seen him actually give any thought to any of this before. (if he does do it great, if he doesn't - I know he just has more lessons to learn, and I can either wait or leave according to what I feel like..what a relief)

I am truly happy for him. I am also already happy in my truth, so I was more happy for him than myself(because I have detached?) so I am very proud of that personal growth. I didn't think it would ever happen. I have spend a lot of my time feeling like I am  selfish because I wanted things to happen for other people - so that MY life can be better. That is one real thing I never actually liked about myself (the selfishness). Wow, since I already made my own life better via Alanon I no longer have to rely  so heavily on what other people do or don't do to be happy. hooray!

I certainly hope he can start recovery and we have a long way to go to heal. But I also know that if he doesn't get into recovery soon..I will be separating myself financially from him at the least, and moving on with him a much smaller or non existent part of my life, perhaps (god willing) finding a healthy romantic partner. And I have gently and nicely explained all of this too him. 

Many blessing to all of you who are struggling with this dis ease.