The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Am I enabling? I don't buy liquor, look for it, nor spill it out. I refuse to wash his liquor cups, or messes. If he breaks something accidently, he cleans it up. If he passes out in an awkward position or on the floor, I leave him there. I never wake him for work, no do his clothes. I make no excuses, but then again he saves his drinking for the home where no one knows outside of my home. If the children ask why did he fall, I say it's b/c of the liquor. Twice he's asked me to get rid of the liquor, I handed it to him, & told him to do it. He did, but he still drinks. If we are to watch a movie, I don't wait for him. We go on. If he's drunk at the table, I do leave b/c I can't stand to watch it. I'll eat later or somewhere else. When's he drinking, it does upset me terribly, I usually leave to go to a meeting, or leave to get out of the house, or leave the room b/c I can't stand to watch.
What else can I do to not enable him? Or am I doing something I'm not aware of?
Something to remember - even when we do everything right, don't enable, don't support the drinking in any way - that doesn't mean that the A will stop drinking. It just means that WE have stepped out of the game.
The bottom line has to be your own feelings - can you live with this, or will you need to remove yourself from it? Most of us come here unable to answer that question, because we have never really asked it - we don't know what we want, we don't know what we can stand, we haven't spent any time finding out our own feelings on anything, we have been too tied up with the A. That is why we say - take baby steps, don't rush any decisions unless you are in danger.
It sounds to me, too, as if you are doing fine. You want to get to a place, though, where you don't care what I think, you have enough confidence in your own actions that you feel happy with your own choices.
I think its in attitude too. I no longer listen to all the excuses and resentments the A has. He can pour them out on someone else. I am tired of his not being present for me. Its all always all about him. He never so much as asks me how I am or what I am doing or where?
Is it enabling to pour out the liquor??http://www.sparkimg.com/emoticons/confused.gif http://www.sparkimg.com/emoticons/confused.gif I had no idea.. everytime I would go to my dad's, I looked everywhere for the stuff If I found any, when he was gone or out of the room I'd dump it out and put it back in the same place it was empty, but I never let him see me do it or say NE thing to him, I guess cause I don't want to confront him, he's cried on my shoulder so many times and I can't handle that anymore. I want HIM to take care of me- be my dad again like he used to be.http://www.sparkimg.com/emoticons/cry.gif http://www.sparkimg.com/emoticons/cry.gif I miss that. But I always thought that finding the empty bottle, he knows I emptied it and it would make him feel bad and want to stop more.
