The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi Barbara! Yes, and Yes! to both your questions (do you journal? and do you underline things in your daily reading books?)
I've been jounaling since I was about 16 years old--a lot of years ago! It was encouraged inadvertantly in our high school in England, because we had these "rough books" for notes before we submitted homework neatly written in ink, in our so-called "neat books"! (mine wasn't so neat, many a time! ink splotches everywhere).
I've accepted in recent years that I really am a writer, becuse I love writing! And that it's not everyone's cup of tea!
Writing in journals has been a big part of my survival before getting into recovery, and a big part of working my recovery as well. It helps me to get in touch with my feelings, and through them, to what my values are! It's a safe place to explore--and if you are worried about anyone else reading it, then just make sure you keep it in a safe place, and under lock and key if nesessary. We have a right to our privacy--and to share when we FEEL like sharing!
You can be very playful with journaling too, I've found. Just try things like making lists, doing timed writing, exercises from a book on writing--like Anne Lamoot's Bird By Bird or Natalie Goldberg's Wild Mind. Julia Cameron's The Artist' Way gives you lots to think about and try, too.
As for underlining things in books--I try to make sure it's my own books I do this in, although when I was in college I have to admit I wasn't always so careful of other people's books or library books. Have you ever gone back to see what you underlined a long time ago--and how things might have changed for you since? My copy of Melody Beattie's The Language of Letting Go has all sorts of underlining and marginal notes! I love that book and read it daily.
I write a journal too. Sometimes I may just write once a month, or once a week and sometimes daily, it all depends on what is happening in my life. I find it is a great release and when I read it back a couple of days later it gives me the chance to be so much more objective. And reading the early entries gives me a real sense of how far I have come.
As for someone else reading it - my fear became reality when my A found it when he was cleaning! He was angry that I was recording events and my feelings, he wanted to know "did I think I was Ernest Hemingway or something". Lol! But I refused to attend this fight, just saying it was something I do only for me. He came to me a few days later with the "Did I really say/do that..." So it may have given him a glimpse of insight into the effect of the disease from my side. I never moved my journal, and for all I know he may still read it from time to time, but it doesn't worry me at all - I write only the truth of my feelings.
I journal on the computer & put a password on it. Although, not fool proof, chances are good no one can read it. Or here's an idea. Make your a fake journal entry in black color. Keep it simple. Then make your real journal entries below, highlight your real entry & change the color to white. No one will suspect there's more entries than your fake journal entry.
I find I write things that I don't mean on my computer, but no real harm done unless I've repeated it to that special deserving person. So write, express, get your anger out, leave it there, or delete it.
As far as reading the books. I do read them. I do make notes too. I also find it helpful to volunteer to read them at the meetings. This way when I can't find my words, I can use the words on the pages I've highlighted!
I started a journal and I really need to use it more. I usually cannot write in it after A comes home drunk because he never lets me do anything and I don't want him to know about it. I then tried to write in it the next morning while he's in the shower but sometimes I just can't remember all the bad things he said to me or to get the feeling back. My "sort of" solution is to just scribble down a few words when he's out of the room on a scrap of paper and then use them as "notes" the next day. It's just that after hours of verbal abuse every night I'm so depressed and just don't feel like doing it.
