The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi there. I am a new member on the Al-Anon family message board. I started attending Al-Anon meetings last month and have recently decided that I am Al-Anon and I would like to continue with the 12 steps. As it is, there are limited meeting times available to me in my area, and I do not yet have a sponsor/sponsors. I came online to see what Al-Anon internet group resources were available, especially during times which I cannot make it to meetings, contact anyone from my 24-7 list, or have a surge of intense emotions. Today is one of those days and I am grateful to have found this forum. Over the last month, I have been gradually becoming acquainted with the steps and have begun to practice them. I am now at the beginning of my first time around with the 4th step, and the emotional release from diving into my own wounds and evaluating my thoughts, actions, and behaviors is very difficult. I am not scared, but it is painful, and I am home alone for the next two weeks so I've been getting a little cooped up in my own thoughts and attempts to uncover my truths.
My "Courage to Change" and "Hope for Today" books arrived last week and I feel like everyday presents me with a new little reminder as if it were a miracle. I open the book and there are the words that I NEED to read. Every day. It's pretty fascinating. Today's "Courage to Change" topic focuses on the idea that alcoholism is a disease, and to be angry at an alcoholic for drinking is like being mad at a diabetic for having diabetes. Good analogy. It's made me reflect on my REACTIONS toward my alcholics in the past, and I feel a surge of shame, grief, regret, over lost time, lost love, lost friendships. It's not that they are LOST, but now they are on the back burner, out of my control (where they are supposed to be, for now). The "Hope for Today" topic discusses the idea that we are okay as we are, defects and all, we just need to find a different way of carrying ourselves through our daily lives. All my personality traits are valuable, according to 'Courage to Change," I just have not been using them effectively.
To other Al-Anon board members, thank you for taking the time to read this post. Thanks for providing an online forum and for being a part of it, and for allowing others to join and be a part of it as well. Al Anon will change my life as long as I let it, and by God, I'd love to let it. So I'm going to. May I ask...anything that can be discussed in an Al-Anon meeting may be discussed on this message board, correct? And, would anybody be willing share their experience with 4th step work, or any workbook activities that have been helpful? Thank you again. -Hervie
Dear Hervie Welcome to Miracle in Progress I agree working the 4th Step alone can prove daunting and that is why a sponsor is so important I do hope you can connect with one soon.
Alanon books -"Blue print or Progress" and ", Paths to Recovery" are two very good books with information regarding working the Steps
We do have a Step Work Board here-- We share on a different Step every other week and you are welcome to participate You will need to re- register for that board to post
Here is a link to the 4th Step exercise we did last go around
Aha!! another Central Valleyite. Aloha Hervie!! I got into Al-Anon recovery up the road a bit from you in Fresno and I read your post and wondered if Central Valley people sound a lot alike most of the time cause you are speaking like how I started to think and speak after being in the program for a while. We use to travel in program then and would attend meetings and conferences in the Turlock/Visalia areas as well as up north. You know what the 4th step can and will do when you do it good. Betty gave tool suggestion which are always good. I've done 6 4th steps when I lived in Fresno...with sponsorship and using the language "searching...fearless...moral" as the guide. Why so many? I did them on different levels...thinking...feeling...behaving...motivations and intentions. I don't suggest that everyone do it that way...I did it that way because like you I just needed to get to know that one person I had lived my entire life with and knew absolutely nothing about....me. In order for it to be searching I had to take my time and I had to be patient and open minded; willing to consider all parts of my picture. I had to conference myself with the two entities who would guide me properly the most; my sponsor and my Higher Power (who knew me best). I had to be fearless or able to love myself regardless of what I found sickening about me, or morally (good vs bad) out of kilter. I had to be self compassionate, empathetic, understanding and accepting of myself from the past forward. Sounds like you got a handle on that part of the picture yourself (central valley people...ish). There is nothing wrong with you. You might be looking at stuff that needs tweaking...adjustment and you may find stuff that will give you a jolt...high voltage...memory and don't slam the book shut and head for the hills. That which doesn't kill you will help you survive. You have done the best you can with what you have had up till now. You will be doing sooooo much more better after your 4th and the steps beyond.
Glad you are here and have shared yourself with us. Happy with you that you want to get the journey and in support as you go find what you need to find. Keep coming back. (((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 24th of March 2014 08:32:44 PM
I can only speak for myself in that it's been best for me to work through the steps with a Sponsor. I personally chose a Sponsor who's worked all twelve steps with a Sponsor of her own. Her experience with the steps has been very helpful for me, and especially in going through my 4th and 5th steps. They're not an easy stroll through the park and I can't imagine trying to slog through them without my Sponsor there as a sounding board.
You can get yourself a Sponsor in person or there may be folks on the message board here who are willing to work with others online.
Thank you all for the welcome and the insight into the idea of sponsorship, and the link to the Step board. I'll definitely be looking into that and seeing how you guys have got it going. It will probably prove useful while I continue to look for a sponsor in my area.
Jerry, so nice to meet more valley people on here, what a coincidence! Thank you for sharing your 4th step experience with me. Still unsure of what my needs are from a sponsor, but everyone I have talked to today is telling me to get one before I continue, and that I should take a step back and look at Steps 1 through 3 again once I do get a sponsor.
-- Edited by HervieB on Monday 24th of March 2014 11:56:29 PM
Hervie I am and once was more, oppositional defiant disorder and resisted, resisted, resisted until I learned that crusin was brusin so I got serious like you have been. I learned how to just take suggestions and do the best I could with them and I learned to trust and how to say out loud "can you help me"? My first sponsor fired me due to the ODD condition and led me to my next sponsor who use to do the best 4th step meetings in Fresno...Will stay in support. (((hugs)))
