The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A is not a family member, just a long term friend.
Her physical condition is awful. She's 65, probably weighs less than 100lbs, although she is about 5'8" tall. She can barely stand and or walk. Her counseler finally talked her into going into a detox center where they would build her back up so that she could enter a rehab center. Well, she hasn't had a drink in 2 weeks...so, the detox center won't take her (they tried 2 different ones). And, the rehab center won't take her because of her physical condition. They say she has to be able to get around their campus and carry her food trays. There is no way she can do either.
She called me a few minutes ago and wants me to go get her booze so she can start drinking again so that the detox center will take her! When I said "no" she said she would have to get in the car and drive to the liquer store. I told her I was going out (true) and would be home at 4 and call her back at that time. I told her I would think about getting her the liquer. That was just a hold tactic. I will not get it for her...but I can understand her frustration. Any suggestions?
She is going to die...soon, if she doesn't get some meaningful help immediately.
How about AA? She doesn't need to carry a tray and it's free! I bet you could call AA and a program member would either come to her or give her a lift to the meeting.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Hello Leah , if you have the time take your friend to some AA meetings there she will meet people who will help her get thru the tough times. AAmembers are awsome when someone is seriuos about staying sober and will take her to and from meetings. She is lucky to have a friend like you .
Perhaps a Al-Anon meeting will help you to undersand what your friend is dealing with and the best way to help her. good luck
Thank you all for your suggestions. She has been hospitalized 3 times. Each time she is released long before she is ready. She just keeps getting worse and worse. The last time she was in the hospital she made such a stink about wanting to go home that they let her go. I suspect she was being abusive to the staff, although I don't know that for a fact. Why else would they discharge a patient so sick?
Her doctor is a joke...a bad joke. Her referred her to a cardiologist and a gastroenterlogist (sp?). Neither of which have been any help. They all seem to tiptoe around the alcoholism as if it is not relevant. The cardiologist wants her to do a stress test but says she has to put that off 'till she's stronger (duh). The gastro man told her to stop drinking and eat healthy meals.
As to AA. I have brought that up several times and each time she says no. Her "reasons" are that 1. she's not "ready" for AA and 2. (probably valid) she is in no physical shape to go to AA. She can't walk more than a few steps at a time. Her feet are so swollen she can't get into shoes. She can't climb stairs, she can't pick up anything fallen to the floor. Several times she has been unable to get out of the chair and has spent the night sitting up.
I feel so frustrated. I know her adult kids are trying hard to find a solution, but every time they think they have found a solution something happens to make the solution not doable.
I have to call her back now. I am dreading it. She has no friends left but me. And while we have been friends for more than 20 years we were never extremely close friends. We only saw each other 3 or 4 times a year. All of her other friends, including those that were very close to her have disappeared.
Lea, is there some way you can get some help for yourself with this? It is impossible for you or anyone else to help your friend unless she is willing to help herself. But you have done the amazing thing of reaching out on this Board. Can you find an Alanon meeting? Advice is one thing, but taking care of ourselves is another. Good luck to you! Blessings, mebjk
There are online meetings. There are also people who 12 step who come out to pick you up and take you to a meeting. I think that it sounds like she needs some IV nutritional help and supplements. I have known alcoholics who stop eating - my younger sister is one of them. The only calories she takes in are alcohol. Eventually the systems fail.
There is not much you can do as you are not a family member or the significant other but you are working on ways to help her and that is commendable. Remember not to over step your line. You are not God. She has her own higher power and this has been a long time coming. You could leave a blue book around. People got sober on just that. Its up to her if she wants it.
