The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm here, I'm trying really hard, it's not working.
My deceased Grandmother thought it neccesary to include in her will my name and her decision not to provide anything for me ... I thought of Jennifer but I make no provision for the daughter of my deceased son for reasons best known to me. Thanks for the slap in the face. Why mention me at all? The choice was her's to make if there was no mention to me then I would not have recieved a copy or had to sign a paper saying I saw it. I swear this fasmily has a mission to reject me as many times as they possibly can.
My A has seen how upset I have been the last couple weeks, losing my dog, this family crud. He asked, listened for two seconds and started in on his own woes. Selfish, I heard him say he knows it is the time of year and all the loss making him feel this way "But is this all there is in life?", then he said you can't help me on this. He looked truly surprised when I said I am not going to help you. Then he made us both chocolate chip cookies, I guess I should be grateful but I am not. I don't really like anyone or trust anyone right now, even the people I should.
I like my puppy, he licks my tears, he makes me laugh, when I look at him I can feel I still have a heart somewhere inside me.
A few nights ago I told my "A" I was ready to give up all responsibilities and become a traveling gypsy. My ex is trying to make my life miserable with our kids, my a has been using again. I said I am so tired I just don't want any responsibilities except for me right now. My "a" said yeah, but what will I do, I can't make it without you to which I responded, I know, but right now I don't particularly care. He just stood there with his mouth open.
You know it's not that I don't love him, it's not that I don't love my kids--but sometimes we just need to escape. No I'm not going to become a gypsy, but you know it did feel good to say!!!
Right now is a very difficult time for you. That's o.k.! You don't have to appreciate the cookies, you can't right now, maybe in a few days you will, but right now you feel what you feel and it's o.k.!!!!!!!
I am so sorry that happened to you! How cruel of your grandmother....I know as people age they can become harsh. I live with my mom and she is very cruel and critical of me. I care for her...buy food and cook and clean. She sits and just rips on me! It is like she doesn't want me to have any happiness at all. She attempts to drive away my friends and boy friends. She takes my ex A's side and can be just impossible at times. However I try to consider the source. Would I take relationship advice from her??? No. Does she look as good as she can etc? NO! So I guess if I were you I would consider the source and move on. I would not let her negativity ruin your day let alone your feelings for yourself.
Jennifer: The only reason I was able to contest my mother's will was that she did not mention me in the will. She mentioned everyone else (except my younger sister and her grandchildren). It is an attorney strategy to mention you and state that you do not get anything in order to make it difficult for you to contest.
I do not know why people do this. I know I would not do that to another human being. Some people carry on their vindictiveness to the grave.
I know my mother died 3 years ago and my boyfriend was no help to me at all. If something happens to his mother I will not be there for him. She has already stated that she has blocked him out of the will. I know he will be devastated by it. He keeps hoping she will change it. Since she hates me and feels any penny he gets goes to me (funny that I suppport him most of the time but that fact escapes her) I doubt it. No doubt he would try to blame me for that. He's good at sliding those boundaries.
I think its very very difficult when you have a bereavement and the A is so totally self absorbed. There are few times in one's life when you need other people to lean on.
I know a lot of people who have been hurt by will's I am suprized it is not talked about more. I know when I offer support to people they appreciate it because it is such a taboo subject.
I feel like I am just emerging from all the shock/horror of the will stuff. I am sorry you are going through something like this. It is like being kicked and hurt deliberately from the grave.
My a was also sweetness and light when we met. I think there is a switch somewhere in their brain that when they feel attached they feel free to let loose.
I am sorry you have had such worry. My A is also very good at feeling sorry for himself, feeling entitled, feeling like he is sick and no one else is and also very good at blurring the boundary at who takes care of what. He has no concept of responsibility.
I hope you are able to come to meetings. I find a lot of solace there and a chance to be honest. It is hard to be honest around others because they cannot imagine my A being as nasty as he is. He is a master manipulator and great at getting others to feel sorry for him. He is also very good at appearing coherent and nice and concerned around others.
You need support, come to chat and stick around for a meeting. Limit your interactions with him and start taking care of you. You will find tremendous support in the program.
