I found your site today and thought since I was struggling that I would give this a try.  This may get long winded, for that I apologize ahead of time.  I guess I'll start from what I consider the beginning of our struggle.

Seven years ago, my husband was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer.  This cancer has left him permanantely disabled.  He drank before the diagnosis, but the drinking got progressively worse once he came home from his two week stint in the hospital.  It didn't get worse right away, chemo and radiation bought us about 4 months, but it happened.  Following his surgery, he would end up in the hospital with fluid on his one and only lung.  Every time he was admitted, I noticed a change in his behavior.  I always chalked it up to being frustrated with being in the hospital.  Until the dreaded day I discovered just how out of hand the drinking had become.  He was admitted for fluid again and he was irrate.  I had visited him after work and he was so cruel, not the husband I normally new.  Later that evening I received a call from the hospital stating that he was going through DT's.  They had to have 4 security gaurds come to his room to hold him down while he was restrained to his bed.  They gave him medication so that his heart wouldn't give out.  Needless to say, I spent the entire week on the couch, no work, no shower, no life.  Our poor children, one absent parent to the bottle, the other now absent to the affects of the disease.  He was required to go in to an inpatient program whether he liked it or not.  He lasted in the first facility two days.  Said it was filthy and wanted to come home.  He had a friend pick him up.  Four days later we went to a different facility where he spent two weeks drying out.  That was a little over two years ago.  Now we are at the next faze.  See, the windsor coke guy has now turned in to the beer guy.  "It's ok to have a beer", and I actually believed it.  Of all the years that he drank prior to treatment, he never got in trouble.  One night out with the guys and my car gets impounded and he ends up in jail.  DWI on the record does nothing for insurance rates.  I guess you would think he'd learn.  Then there's the issue with his health.  Because of the sugery he had combined with chemo and radiation, his heart is not working properly.  He has been told numerous times that if he starts drinking, it will kill him.  He was just reminded of that a little over two months ago.  Sunday, it's at least 4 beers.  Last night, helping a friend with his breaks, Lord knows how many.  Sounded like too many if you ask me.  I say something to him and of course he gets defensive, which was always the case before treatment.  I don't know where to go with this anymore.  I don't want our kids to see this again and I don't want to go through this again.  We were finally able to get the house of our dreams and the Harley he's always wanted.  The kids are in new schools that they love and we're living out somewhere with some property, a hot tub.  He just seems so angry all the time.  So disappointed in the kids and people around him.  Nothing is ever good enough.  I have spent my whole life taking care of other people, how do you break from it?  Little steps, sure, but always feel like I get sucked back in.  I say something, he gets mad, I apologize.  Because, God forbid, anyone be mad at me.  The cycle is exhausting, demeaning and terrifying. 

I won't take up any more space.  Thanks for your time.