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I go to 3 different F2F meetings and each one has a different effect on me. One I feel like I can say anything. The second one I have trouble saying anything at all... so I ususally remain quiet. The third one is sort of in-between. I have have phone lists for all of them.
One of my problems however is I have trouble calling people on the lists. I am very intimidated. I have a sponsor who I really like. I feel able to call her for anything. But I don't want to over do it and call her too much. There is one other person from my F2F who I have called a few times.
I know it is said to call the people on the list regularly. Is this said so you do not overwhelm one person? Is this said so you can get more than one persons point of view? Is this said so you feel less intimidated after time and will have multiple people to call when you really need someone to talk to? Any suggestions also on how to get up my nerve and call people?
I know it is said you need to share with others for the benefit of both you and the other one. I am having trouble doing this. I know I need to let things out but does anyone have any suggestions on how to let go to be able to share more freely?
I would appreciate any input. I am struggling and need to break free of these issues. Thanks
I remember being in your shoes It took me a while before I felt comfortable using the phone list. I don't think it is there so that you "won't overwhelm" one person. It is wonderful to have a sponsor who knows your situation so that you don't have to fill someone in everytime you talk. I use the phone list if my sponsor is not available or there is someone I feel can give me a better perspective on something I'm working on. I actually have two sponsors, yet use my phone list when I need it.
There have been times when I've just hit the top of the list and worked my way down until I've reached someone...anyone who could talk program to me. There have been names on the list I've gotten to that I though "hmm, I really don't think I want to talk with this person." But called anyhow...I needed help and wasn't about to pass up receiving it because of my pride. What I have found is that I seem to reach the person I need to talk to, even when it wasn't someone I would normally go to first.
When it is said that it helps the person you call, it is because just talking about using the program with someone reinforces it to yourself. It is like reminding myself of how to use certian tools, slogans or the importance of leaning on my HP. By your using the phone list, it can be just as much a benefit to the person you call. Sometimes I think HP is working in reverse LOL, because you can come away feeling "Wow, I needed to be reminded of that today." and it wouldn't have happened if the call hadn't been made
You could probably call any name on the list and say "Hi, I'm from Tuesday's meeting, is this a good time to talk? I'm about to lose it with my A, can't seem to get a grip, lost my serenity/perspective, totally lost control" or any other thing, like my mother-in-law is pushing my boundries out the window, I have a house full of A relatives and on and on and on....lol Whoever you reach will help you remember program. To me it is like grabbing for an anchor. Something to steady me.
I wish I could give you peace about using your list. I will tell you that we've all been there, just as we've all had a first f2f meeting. It may be a little uncomfortable at first, but it is so much better than trying to do it alone. If you are concerned about reaching someone who isn't in the same type of situation as you are, they can still help. There is one person who has been a great anchor for me in the program. I had originally thought since my A is a spouse and her's is a child that we wouldn't have a lot in common....I was so wrong.
Who knows .... I may be on one of your lists call me!
I call people regularly just to avoid all the things in my head growing into the dragon that kills the people around me. If I call every few days, I get it out quicker, and my friends help me stay focused.
I call my sponsor regularly because she taught me how to trust someone.
I am selective on who I call tho. They must beleive in God, have a personal relationship with God, and know the program. I must take caution to select who I share my struggles with.
those who matter don't mind, those who mind don't matter.
Linda, your questions and the responses are very helpful to me. I'm in the same boat, but I just go to one meeting. (I work full time days plus most evenings, so 1 a week is about all I can handle.) So I don't know if I would share more in a different meeting. I also don't call people on the list, although I carry it around with me. And I haven't asked anyone to be my sponsor, because the one I really want has already let it be known that she can't handle any more. So I dunno. I'm hoping I have some kind of breakthrough on my issues soon. I'm working on it. Please keep us posted how you are doing with this.
I am so happy for you that you have that good support system! I had a couple bad experiences on my lists I shared almost 2 years ago. The one person that I connected with who had a daughter in almost the exact same situation as I did told me after I called and he was not there that males call males and females call females! I was so embarassed I cried and had to leave the meeting. I was just brand new with alanon and cried all the time back then anyway. Well, then someone said, if this was the so-called rule why did they give me a list with male and female names on it? I had some good experiences with other people, both male and female before that too. Thank HP there are many different meetings to go to here. You can bet I will not call another male on a list again unless I talk with him at the meeting ahead of time. This man was the one that originally gave me the list too and said to feel free to call anyone on that list for support! Just my experience. I guess not all our ESH is positive :) cdb xoxoxoxoo Keep up the good work sandie!
The phone list are great to help you get things out. I am a firm believer that helping others is helping ourselves. Making an alanon call help both of you. We all struggle and all have set backs no matter where we are at in the program.
You may not be getting another person's view point of your situation, but you may be getting their experience, strenghth, and hope of what they have been through. We learn in this program not to offer our advice unless we are asked. It is all a matter of asking at times. Just making a call can still make all the difference though.
My sponsor suggests I stay away from shaming words. Words that shame me into to doing things. "I need to, I have to, I got to, etc" He suggests I replace the words with, "When I want to, I will". When we truely WANT TO make that call, we will. When we have suffered enough we will. And it still will not be too late. All we can do is go up from this point.
It took me a while before I felt comfortable using the phone list. I don't think it is there so that you "won't overwhelm" one person. It is wonderful to have a sponsor who knows your situation so that you don't have to fill someone in everytime you talk. I use the phone list if my sponsor is not available or there is someone I feel can give me a better perspective on something I'm working on. I actually have two sponsors, yet use my phone list when I need it. 
call me! 
Aron 