The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I went to a f2f the other day. It was a pretty small meeting. So, I shared my dirty laundry. Not to often I do that. I had a real need to get things out though.
I have a male sponsor and he is from AA. At first he was just going to help me until we found a woman to help me. What we kept finding fell through and before we knew it, I was at my 9th step. So, we deciding to just keep doing what we are doing. He goes out of town often and without fail....I need help. Some I tend to turn to for guidance who is another male, voiced his feelings for me.
I am having a hard time getting him to understand I don't feel the same. I have put distance between us and go to my meetings anyway. I am not there for him, I am there for me. Anyway, when I was at a f2f meeting the other day I was sharing all this and more and for the next 30 mintues, I got to hear another man tell me "what I need to do", that I don't need a male sponsor, and that I need to do this that and the other. He himself has 15 years in the program. I was floored. He went on and on about how high he was in the prgram. Service work yada, yada, yada......I am sitting there listening, getting upset at first. I wanted so bad to say "YOU HAVEN'T GOT THE RIGHT!" Then, "progress not perfection" hit me.
I don't have to explain myself to him. He doesn't know where I am at in my program. Only I do. I know what is working for me. I am a big enough girl to know when a man has the wrong intentions. I don't know where he is at in his program. It is none of my concern.
I needed to get this out. The next time I go to a f2f, I don't want to to be sitting there shooting fire balls at him in my mind. Now, he will just be "just another" alanon to me.
As far as the man with the feelings...that is his problem. I am just going to work on my recovery and talk to people I can talk to and keep it under control until my sponsor comes back in a few days. Progress not perfection
Meetings can definitely be a challenge. Do you go to the meetings on line here. There is a lot of experience strength and hope there. I sometimes have to change meetings a lot before I find ones that work for me. That is definitely challenging. Working two programs is also a challenge I think. I currenlty work 3 and there is an overlap in all of them. I have to be careful what I share in each meeting.
I hope you will consider switching to another meeting for a while that may help with your resentments.
Great ESH there, you are right you are progressing.
I so related to your stating that meetings are for us not others (lol) well not exactly that way; however we always need keep the focus on us, our truths, etc.
Thanks for sharing. Great perspective there.
Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
