Hi Everyone,

I attended a district AA workshop yesterday on sponsorship. Got to hear 5 different speakers talking about different issues regarding being or needing a sponsor. It was quite good and I learned many things which I can certainly apply to my own Al-Anon program. (And just for the record .. for those of you that wonder about an Al-anon person at a AA function... there were 3 of us there and a special point was made to welcome us and thank us for coming)

I dont want to talk about sponsorship however, but about something I heard one of the speakers say.

He mentioned that old expression that we have all heard.."The road to hell is paved with good intentions" but then put a twist on it that I at least had never heard before. What he said was "The road to disaster is paved with the wrong assumptions".

Boy I liked that and could certainly relate. Reminded me of a another phrase I learned very early in life, probably on a school playground somewhere. I if assume something about someone... it just makes an ass out of u and me!

And as I look back at my relationship with my ex wife..who was the primary alcoholic in my life, I can see just how many times I let assumptions cause me harm. I can remember the disappointment and feelings of betrayal each and every time my ex would get drunk again, after that last time when she said she was never gonna do that again. And I assumed she wouldnt, because hey, she said she wouldnt, and I took her at her word.

I remember all the way back to our wedding day, when at the reception (I was her 3rd husband) she stood up in front of all our friends and family and told them how grateful she was for me being in her life...how she knew this time, this man, was the one she would spend the rest of her life with. I assumed that was the truth. Even when things would later get bad, I always assumed that we would get through it, that our marriage was forever...dagnabittt....no matter how miserable either of us was..

I assumed that was what I wanted. I assumed that was the way it was going to be..and lived my life accordingly. And fell into the disease of alcholism, and became infected..or maybe just had my old dormant infection (my dad drank heavily for years) flaire up and rage away!

Again I assumed what the answer would be, on those times when I spoke to God and told him, please God, I dont want to live like this anymore...please take this pain away. I assumed that he would somehow fix my relationship and that it would be good again. I assumed He wasnt listening when things didnt get better.

I now know, that He was listening and that He did for me what I could not do for myself. Got me out of a marriage that was poison to me. A place where I lost all sense of who I was or who I even wanted to be. A sad, angry, hurt person. No not a person at all, a victim...trying to deny the reality of the situation. Someone assuming that just because I told my ex I forgave her for things she did during our marriage that somehow she would now finally change. Change and be what I wanted her to be. I assumed, especially after she got into AA, that everything was gonna be great...that she was going to now see "the error of her ways". That she would want to "make it up to me" somehow. That things were going to be okay.

Another thing that this same speaker said yesterday was "Expect to be disspointed". At first this bothered me...what a crappy attitude that would be to go around living with. But then I started listening to the rest of what he was saying. And it made sense. Expectations and Assumptions are interchangeable really. Both imply we know the outcome. And as we hear often these two things are planned resentments just waiting to be fulfilled.

You know, we have to remember to stay in this place we are today as much as we possibly can. Enjoy the warm sunshine outside...the birds I hear singing right now outside my window. Look around our life, at this moment. Is it where I want to be? Do I have some peace. Do not count on the idea that someone else is going to be our source of happiness. We have to do that ourselves. Do not live our lives assuming that tomorrow is going to be a better day, just as soon as someone else changes.

We are responsible for ourselves. We are responsible for living our lives with an attitude of gratitude. Be grateful for what we have. Accept what life gives us without expectation, without assuming we know where the road is taking us all the time.

Sorry this got so long....I assumed this was just gonna be a short little note when I started it... Oh well!!!!!!!!!!

Have a great day, my friends!

Yours in Recovery,
David