The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't been to a meeting yet. I kinda want to go because I want to be around people who understand and it feels like no one does. But there are two things that make me hesitant:
1) I don't believe in God. In any way shape or form.
2) I don't want to leave my boyfriend and I feel like it is just going to be a lot of people trying to get me to have the "strength" to leave him.
Are these unfounded? Could this still help me? Anyone in, or been in a similar position? One reason my boyfriend doesn't want to go to AA is because he is an aetheist as well.
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**Everyone is doing the best they can from day to day**
I too was in a similar position, although I was worried to go to a meeting because I had separated from my A and thought that would "disqualify" me from going! How wrong I was!
Al-anon is not a religious program but a spiritual one, and you can use your own individual interpretation of that.
I can assure you no one in Al-anon would advise you to leave your boyfriend. The program is all about learning to take care of yourself. The effects of loving someone with an addiction are widespread and many of us need to learn how to put ourselves first while still loving our A's.
I would encourage you to attend a meeting and see for yourself, a face to face meeting would be great or there are meetings here in the chat room. I hope to see you there!
I am an atheist, and have been able to work the alanon program for over 5 years.
In alanon, one of the first things you will hear is not to make any major changes, until you have been in the fellowship for around 6 months. (Unless you are in physical danger - then you must remove yourself to a safe place.) The reason for this is that we are very vulnerable, when we are new, and maybe see someone there who has made a major change that is working. We have to understand, each situation is different, no-one should ever actually give you advice, let alone advise you to leave your A. Over the 5 years, I have met many people who still live with active drinking, and have made a better life for themselves, and, many people who have left an alcoholic relationship, and also found recovery. There is no right or wrong - alanon helps us to make the choices we need to find our own pathway.
Welcome to the fellowship. Try to get to a face to face meeting - it is recommended that you try 6, before deciding if alanon is for you.
Reading the message boards here, and, going into the chat room, are an added support and comfort to me - hope to see you in chat!
Al-Anon is purposely a program that wants to help everyone, regardless of your religious beliefs.... It is spiritual in nature, and not an issue for non-believers...
Al-Anon won't teach you or sway you one way or the other with respect to leaving OR staying with your A. The focus is on ourselves, and the secret is to gain strength so that we are able to stand up for, and respect ourselves, again. For some, the end result is that they leave.... for others, it is that they stay.... There is no right or wrong decision - only you can know the answer.
I would encourage you to try it, and a general rule of thumb is six meetings.... Go for six meetings, as it's pretty foreign to most things in life, so you may not take to it right away.... If on your first meeting or two, you don't want to share, that is perfectly fine. You will more than likely find a lot of love and support there.
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
You will hear alot of talk about HP and hear the word God alot because it is many people's higher power. You would just be best when hear them to think HP. Alot of times you will hear someone share my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God. This is because there is no requirement that you believe.
There is a some great reading in Path's to Recovery I forget either under Step 2 or 3, that speaks about some people's Higher Power that didn't believe in God.
I've heard of people who's higher power was someone else (which the recovering codie in me wouldn't try, LOL). I've heard a tree being someones HP, I've heard of a door knob being someones HP.
LOL At thinking it will give you the "strength" to leave. I laughed because when I told people I was going to Alanon meetings I heard...."don't they brainwash you to leave your wife?" then I heard, "don't they try to convince and make you stay with your wife?" Alanon will give you strength. But what I find is that it gives me the stength to do what is right for me. I've met those who it gave the strenght to leave cause they never would. I've seen those that it gave the strenght and tools to stay. That's one of the joys of it.
Welcome,
Bob
-- Edited by bobump at 19:32, 2006-01-27
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
Al-anon is about learning to focus on ourselves, fix ourselves. If someone's drinking or drugging is effecting your serenity in anyway, al-anon is for you.
We share our ESH (experience, strength & hope) & support each other. No one will give u advice & if they do, they shouldn't we share not advise, we are all different.
The Program itself is based on the 12 steps & 12 traditions of AA, you work thru these steps one at a time. Not sure about the atheist take but Flora says she is working it as an atheist. So it must be possible! I have always felt a connection to God & had spiritual experiences.
Here we use the term "higher power as we understand it" & also we say, Take what u like & leave the rest... just use what u can apply to you, that is all.
Many of us have addicts in our lives, not just Alcoholics... many of us grew up in dysfunctional & abusive families, thus we have landed here.
Now this comment may bug many, but here goes; I personally don't care for face to face (F2F) meetings. I do think it is important to go & get a beginner's packet of pamphlets especially the ONE called: The Family Disease of Alcoholism ~ it explains how the A uses fear, guilt, anxiety to control & manipulate others.
Some would die w/out the support of their home groups F2F but I feel I can be even more gut wrenchingly honest, cry, scream, fidgit in my seat, blow my nose, get a soda, go to the bathroom & take notes, all the while listening to music & stroking my ever loving cats (3) all right here at my PC. Doing all of that would not be appreciated at a F2F ~ and I can see how it would appear disresepctful.
I simply find I can work it better in my living room....
I tried to kill myself when I was 15, I obviously was spared. I began to read Zen Buddhism at that time. The Catholic church has burned many member of my family. I do believe jesus walked the Earth but Zen taught me to meditate & look into my own heart & soul for the answers ~ seemed more "christian" then the Christians were, in my humble opinion (imho).
We have meetings twice a day in the chat room M-F 9a/9p EST (weekend times too, just come into chat & someone will tell u those times if ur interested) ~ check it out, it will give u an "idea" of what a meeting is like. We do not talk religion or politics, we simply share our experiences, vent & support each other.
It is your life, you have the choices & you decide what works for you.
your sister in recovery, -Kitty of Light
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
This program does not give advice, nor do we insist you believe in anything except what you DO believe in.
However, individual members may do both of these things. At one of my face to face meetings, there is a woman who honestly never shuts up about her God, and her Bible, etc. At first I was very put off by this, because I have some issues with organized religion. So, I went with the "take what you want and leave the rest", and ignored that part of things. Once I had spent some time at the meetings, and gotten to know her, my feelings changed. She has been so wonderfully understanding and compassionate, I have come to love her. Her religious feelings are now just something that is a part of her. She never was trying to convince me, or to convert me, but just to share what matters to her. And, in the same way, I have the same right to share what matters to me, and to explore my own, very different, spirituality. Alanon is a safe place to discuss spiriiuality and tell the truth - to speak whatever truth there is for you, even if it is that you do not believe in anything. Some people take the program, or the fellowship, as their higher power, some take their love for their children....it's up to you.
In the same way, some members may try to give you advice. You don't have to take it, you don't have to defend your actions, you don't have to do anything except try to be truthful and open. Usually someone will remind those advice givers later, in private, not to, or will make that the subject of the next weeks' meeting, or something like that. Everyone there is IN recovery, and some are further along than others. Your acceptance of their faults is just an echo of their acceptance of yours.
I hope you try f2f, and if you don't like one meeting, try a different one, if available. Not all meetings have the same 'feel', but all are safe placces.
