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I'm really feeling down today and needed to vent in a healthy place. My "a" is supposed to do his DUI course this weekend and low and behold his best friend from school came in to town yesterday. This is a person who he drank with consistently and always got into to trouble with. So last night he stayed out until 3am this morning and fell asleep on the couch. I guess I must have forgot that this guy was coming. Every time he comes into town my "a" gets drunk and just goes into party mode the entire time he's here. So, I get stuck home doing everything, it stinks!! I'm sure his friends think I'm a killjoy, but I don't enjoy being around my "a" when he gets that drunk. I find it repulsive!! Today he tells me he invited another one of his "good buddies" and his wife to come up for the weekend, of course he doesn't see if its o.k. with me that they stay at our place. He just tells me that this is what's going to happen. I'm really not in the mood for any company. I don't have a spare bedroom, so these people camp out on my living room floor. They'll come strolling around 5 a.m. Sunday morning and my kids get up at 6a.m. I'm supposed to keep two two year old quiet while the adults sleep, Yeah right. So, I contemplated going to my mom's for the weekend, but honestly that irritates me as well. I feel like I'm being told I can either take this or leave it. I guess he's right I can either take it or leave it. I'm frustrated and hurt that he doesn't acknowledge my feelings.
Any feed back or am I in the wrong for how I feel? Thanks for the support
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
if you take it, you almost become a doormat. everything he does is what matters. your life will tend to revolve around him. is that what you want.
if you leave it, you get you back. you could let you revolve around you. it doesn't have to be about anyone except you and your kids.
i think if he said take it or leave it, it shows that he could care less if you leave. but the moment you leave, be prepared for him to supposedly "change his ways". who knows what will happen.
whatever you decide, stick to your guns! if you say you're going to leave it. LEAVE IT. if you say you're going to put up with it...TAKE IT.
its your choice hun.. how does "his decision" affect how YOU feel....????
coz if its a horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach..then you know your answer...if you can cope with it...then try and get throu it... but always remember...you dont have to put up with 2nd best
YOU ONLY GET ONE LIFE SWEETHEART...THIS AIN'T A DRESS REHERSEL..YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO COME BACK AND TAKE A DIFFERENT PATH!
DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.... YOU AND THE KIDS ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT MATTER....
"I feel like I'm being told I can either take this or leave it. I guess he's right I can either take it or leave it. I'm frustrated and hurt that he doesn't acknowledge my feelings.
ROSIE_______ "take it or leave it" sounds to me like it is your choice......and u know it is.......when the pain got bad enuf for me, i dumped my alkie and i dragged my butt into recovery....i am sooo glad i did, what life i have LEFT is gonna be with some peace and respect for me cuz i respect me....and my boundaries will not be violated becuz i wont allow it...... only u knows what is the best thing for U..........what i did was make a list...."assets---liabilities" as to the "keeping him/ leaving him" and i found out the "trade offs" as to why i was keeping him......i was afraid of being alone.......afraid of not being able to take care of me on MY pay check......it was FEAR!!! it had nothing to DO with love for him.....how could i love a drunk who is yelling at my dogs (cuz i wanted my pets INSIDE with the family) and his getting drunk and "talking back to the tv"........i mean i cared deeply for him becuz he was a good guy!!! but he was a DRUNK!! and NO desire for recovery...........so i had a choice too........"take it or leave it" i chose to leave...........but that was me, what i do may not be right for the next person..........but i would DEFINITELY set boundaries........i have 50% say in WHO sleeps on my living room floor.......and WHEN they come.........sounds to me like he has NO respect for any boundaries/ feelings you may have...........so if this were me??? i would be setting boundaries, and taking care of MY needs, what is best for ME........and detachment from his behaviour............please take what works, and leave the rest/ rosie
Thanks to everyone who gave some direct good advice. I have decided to go to my mom's because we would be happier there. He can entertain his friends and deal with whatever consequences come his way. You are all right, and I guess I knew that myself with in my spirit, but in the emotional moment I lost sight of the choices I have. I believe I do have a great deal of fear and that has kept me going with this man. Maybe its time for me to evaluate the pros and cons of staying in a relationship that doesn't really make me happy. Thanks friends for being here for me.
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
I think its a hard choice to make when to leave someone. There is a lot to it.
I am glad that you took care of yourself and detached that shows a lot of serenity. I am sorry it was a hard choice. I have had many many issues with the A about who he brings to the house. I was codependent when he was doing that. I stopped entertaining. I am not as eager t please anymore. I am also not as absorbed in what he is doing. I am more absorbed in what I am doing.
I can imagine you must be very very angry with two small children to have to deal with this. I know I can get very very very angry at the A. I think they can come across particularly self absorbed.
Just checking in to let you know you have my support.
Dont just go to mom's - take the kids there and have a GREAT time - you all deserve it. The thought that crossed my mind, reading your post - his buddy's wife/partner - I would have expected her to realise you have a young family, just give you a ring, check out that it was OK. Maybe she embroiled in the whole drinking madness too.
You take care of you, and your children - the As will do what they want to do, and will justify it all - maybe he will get drunk because you left for the weekend LOLOL - and, sigh.
Post again soon, twinmom, you have many friends here
take it or leave it?