The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I didn't realize that we ever had impromptu meetings - last night's totally saved my bacon! When I saw "trust" pop up as one of the topics it was like a dart hit me in the forehead - I didn't even realize that was what had me so upset last night. It took many many shares before I started to get past my own hurt feelings to hear what I needed to hear and that was that I am in charge of my own happiness. I can't let anyone else be responsible for that.
I never fully saw the relationship between trust and power. I didn't realize that I was giving away "my" power when I chose to trust others in certain ways. Trusting that someone else can make me happy is giving away my power. If I ever want a healthy relationship with anyone in my life I have to trust myself first. You know I thought I already had plenty of self confidence to go around - think that was just ego really - what I see is that was fear disguised as confidence. Fear that others would let me down, and then suprise fall down to earth again when they did exactly what I knew they would do! You know what....I don't need that crap (can I say crap on the board) :o)
I choose to be happy for myself, by myself and WITH myself!
"Trusting that someone else can make me happy is giving away my power."
It is true, u have to look within yourself to get what u need, ur own validation, ur own love. I was doing the same thing... loving others & not saving anything for myself. I loved so hard until I dropped & spiritually it nearly killed me. I have grown so much strength, just since I have kept 1% of love for me... I can still love others but not to the detriment of myself, anymore.
"If I ever want a healthy relationship with anyone in my life I have to trust myself first. You know I thought I already had plenty of self confidence to go around - think that was just ego really - what I see is that was fear disguised as confidence. Fear that others would let me down, and then suprise fall down to earth again when they did exactly what I knew they would do!"
Psychologically this is true too, lots of ego is stemming from fear.... Having expectations, to be let down... well HP delivers what we expect. In other words if we expect the worst we will get it.
At NYE I had realized I was beginning to "think" everyone was a liar, after another exp w/ a liar... but I refuse to become bitter or be naieve. I don't lie, so there have to be others out there that don't either.
You do have yourself, as John Bradshaw sd, "You are born in the world alone & you die alone." I know that isn't like ppl aren't w/ u when u pass or ur mom isn't there laboring to have you... but we are alone in our perceptions... truly, completely no one else can "really know us" but we can be there for ourselves, rely on us & get what we need from within our own hearts... most ppl are too gutless to look.
Fear is one thing, everyone gets scared, facing it & walking through it ~ that is courageous & takes bravery.
God Bless & God speed, sounds like u had a real light bulb switch!
love, -K
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I really needed that meeting last nite (ok this morning). It was awesome. Between the meeting and the humor, I was up way late but I had a really good time.
Thanks for sharing your lightbulb moment. I needed to hear it probably as much as you needed to share it. LOL
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
