The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just read that saying from a post. I know that is so what I need to do, but I haven't found a way to hope for the best without getting my hopes up!
I have had just a really couple of bad weeks. This past week, I found myself really overwhelmed and depressed. My a started a medication that was supposed to level out his moods. Well it leveled him out into a complete jerk! He was grouchy for almost 3 weeks. It was like he was using his drug of choice again. I do know that he did get high a couple of times while on the medication, but I also am pretty sure he didn't use the entire time while on the drug. I told him to stop taking it and last night he admitted that he did feel better than he has since starting the medication.
He pretty much stopped going to his meetings and has really just wanted to be completely selfish.
I feel completely yucky myself. I know others have problems that are 100 times worse than mine, mine used to be worse than this, why am I so upset? I'm just so aggravated with him, he has just acted like my feelings and what I want don't matter--for weeks. He was like that when he was drunk all the time or high, but things had gotten better and I don't like going back to how it used to be!!!! Especially if he isn't drunk. I know this disease also has a lot to do with attitudes.
Last night after trying to talk to him about it. He wrote on the door--I hate my life, but I love my wife. He told me I should laugh about it. That just still hurt my feelings! (Granted I am supposed to have started--sorry men-- so I am hormonal right now.) I just fear the unknown so much--my unknown is--is he going to go back to old ways. I can't do this for the rest of my life--I don't mean can't deal with my husband and the a, I mean react like this and worry like this and let it consume me!!!
sometimes i feel like other people have it worse than me, also. i feel like..."what am i complaining about?" but the answer to that is that is a big enough deal to you to do something about it.
about that whole note on the door, it does show that he loves you (in a weird & scarey way). basically it is his way of saying i love you but hate what i do to you. i don't think i would have laughed about it, but i would "feel for him".
it probably sounds mean to say this, but i will anyway.don't make trade-off's for yourself. just b/c he isn't drinking, doesn't mean that you have to be "thankful" and put up with his attitude. hopefully he will learn to react differently and maybe start getting a support system to help him through his 'bouts. try to be you and let him learn to be him (without the drinking he might be different). and that's ok. hopefully you can find some common ground together.
No it didn't sound mean. You are right, I know you are right--sometimes I think I expect more than he can give. That may not be a bad thing, because if I expect too little then there is no way to go, but if you expect more than the only way to go is up (maybe). Anyway it makes sense in my head.
I stopped reading your post where you said " I know others have problems that are 100 times worse than mine." Darlin you are probably right about that, there is a war going on. So what, your problems are important to you and YOU are IMPORTANT! ((((Dawn))))
