The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Some of you may have read my post from yesterday about us having to tell our son to move out since he was arrested a 4th time for an alcohol-related incident. My husband told him he could not stay at home and must find another place to stay. He stayed with an A friend on Sat. night. When I got up this morning my husband told me that "son" climbed in his bedroom window and was asleep in his room. My husband had to go to work but said he would deal with him when he got home. So... here I am at home (I'm fortunate? to be a SAHM) with our daughter (15) who is ill and GUESS WHO!!! The weekend was HORRIBLE and I was looking forward to being by myself this morning to regroup and move on. How can I detach when it is so stressful? I cannot relax here. I am waiting for a call back from the doctor and hope that I can take DD to the Drs. office just to get out of this pressure cooker we call "home". I will try praying. Please pray for me that I can detach and deal with this situation with serenity.
Thanks to you all for being here. I can't do this alone.
I can feel your fustration in your post. I remember how hard it was to try to detach from my A husband. I didn't even know the word detachment, but came to later discover that I did try in my own way to detach. It was more like IGNORE, BLOCK OUT, MENTALLY and sometimes physically FLEE! I didn't know any other way, but to physically get myself out of the house (I one time spent 4 hours roaming around the toy department in K-Mart!!!!) welcome the "escape" when my A was isolating himself. I left the house as much as I could. Spent alot of time feeding ducks with my toddler. I can look back on it and see what did help me in those chaotic times. Getting out of the house in a different environment was the best help for me and had I have been a part of al anon at the time that would have been the place I could have fled to.
It is so hard to detach when what you want to detach from is so right in your face. I remember feeling at times there IS NO escape. It felt very hopeless and I felt very powerless over my situation and I was powerless (that was not comforting for me to realize!). I had one very good friend who was an angel during the hardest of my times and simply going to do our laundry together became a wonderful reprieve. Now that I have al anon I feel this is the best place to go when things becomes so difficult. It is a good place to go even when things are going well. I need it everyday. It's my "happiness insurance".
I will pray for you. Keep coming back because if you do your thinking will start to change......for the better!
I feel your frustration and feeling of helpnessless in your post. I also understand it, as I am living the same thing.
Detaching is hard when they are right here and the situation is literally right underfoot. But I have to do it to stay sane. The stress was killing me, so I have had to learn to live the Alanon way, or I should say I am learning it. I am immersing myself in it.
Hang in there, take one day at a time, one hour or minute at a time if you have to. Find your serene place and go there often.
