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I am having one of those icky days, sort of feeling a little lonely. It's so stinking rainy and dreary out, and it has been since middle of last nite. My A has his stuff to do, good stuff, with his AA meeting and his meeting with his sponsee...my daughter has her stuff to do...I am starting to have a few resentments today about both of them, not just because I'm stuck at home, but because...well, I don't really know why. I feel like I just want to talk to a human about real stuff, intelligent stuff, fun stuff, without being thought of as a nosey mom, or a wife who won't stop talking. I swear, sometimes I think my husband and I have nothing, absolutely NOTHING in common!
I want to be able to have a husband who ENJOYS me talking to him about anything, just everyday stuff, nothing important, as well as important stuff, and who enjoys participating in the conversation. It's pretty lonely talking to someone who looks at you and doesn't really respond. He's as nice as can be, but once when I asked him what time it was (he was near a clock), he replied, "you always want me to get up and go look, like you aren't capable". I told him, no, you're right in front of the wall clock, I am in the other room where there is no clock. Lots of times when I ask him to do something, he might respond with something like, "there's too much work to do in this house" with a whiney voice. I feel like his mom most of the time. Tonite when he was gonna throw some moldy cheese away (yes, it sat in the fridge a little too long, lol) he said, "I'm gonna throw this away, if that's okay." It's little things like this that get to me...why on earth would it NOT be okay to pitch the moldy cheese? I'm not his mom...why won't he step up and do something for himself? If I try to have a conversation with him, he comments, "I don't really have anything to say."
I am rambling...just needing to let a little steam off.
It is hard when we feel lonley, especially if our loved one is with us. When I get like that I go to a meeting if I can or call someone in the program, LOL call someone who cares. It helps. I also come here, I know I am cared about here. I can let it all out and someone will here me.
I hope venting helped you, I know it helps me.
Much Love,
__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
My husband & myself basically live on 2 different floors of the house. He's in the basement while Im on the main floor on the computer, hanging out in the den, etc. Once its time for bed I head upstairs to our 2nd floor - have my own room next to sons. Husband sleeps in his bedroom on the main floor. Our paths dont cross much at all. Right now our son is sitting in the next room so I do have him to keep me company.
It feels strange when the 3 of us do go out for lunch (like yesterday), never know what to discuss.
Oh Hun. I know how you feel. That sounds like my husband and me and we have only been married for 1 year and a half. We have been together for 6 years total and it just feels like we have been married for 30 years and there's nothing left to say or do except grow old and enjoy each others silence. HA! Now that we are finally dealing with his alcohol problem instead of him being in denial and trying to control it, I am afraid to confront issues in our marriage, much less trying to handle our 4 month old on a day to day basis. We don't talk much, even though he calls every day when he's at work, but it's just to ask about how the baby and me are doing. We don't spend time together anymore even when there is time and it's hard just to get him to go to the store for me, it's such a chore for me to get myself and the baby ready and packed to go to the store for just diapers or baby wipes, ect. and then unpack everything when he can just go and zip back. He tells me I am just being lazy and then all hell breaks loose and he tells me all I do is try to find something to fight about. And then there will be a day when he comes home with flowers and a card or a bottle of wine and says that he's sorry for fighting soo much, and then there's days that he just does what I ask without complaining, but that's a RARE thing. I am hoping that part of this is because we just had Baby CJ and we are trying to learn how to maintain our relationship and to take advantage of the little time we have while he's sleeping. But Here's an example of how much fun some of our days together can be like. Here's what happened to us the other day. I Hate our Walmart it's always soo Crazy and there are never enough people to check you out and they can be so rude. We had to go grocery shopping and my husband wanted to go to Walmart because we had to get some baby stuff too and it would be cheaper.. so I reluctantly agreed. So we get everything and get in line to check out and Christian (my husband and A) stops short to look at baby toys they had out and I got in line with the baby. I turned around to see what he got and the girl infront of me told me that she was closed! GRRR! and there were no other lines open on that side except self check out which you can't do if you have WIC stuff. SO we go to the other side which every line is like 4 people deep and get to the car without the baby fussing once to whole time! A MIRACLE. We get to our car and I asked my hubbie for the car keys (I have a tendency to lock them in the car-so I usually give them to him) He looks in his pockets then in the diaper bag and can't find them. So I go look in the car ignition. Not there. So he checks again. Not in pockets or diaper bag. So I go look by the baby's car seat and there they are! So here we are with everyone looking at us with the baby (now crying and throwing a fit) and a full cart of groceries just hanging out by the car. I ask Christian what are we gonna do. He says I don't know- you are the one who locked the keys in the car!! You always lock the keys in the car! So I say Well if you already knew that WHY didn't you take the keys from me or bring your spare key since YOU KNOW I ALWAYS LOCK them in the car?? We finally called my dad who brought our spare key to us, but JEEZ somehow I am supposed to take care of the house, pay the bills, take care of the baby, Support my child abused alcoholic husband and make the grocery list MUCH LESS remember to get the keys out of the car before I lock it. Gimme a break. guess I needed to vent too! Hang in there!!
I can relate. I felt very lonely today! like I didn't have a soul in the world! My A is active. He went to watch the football game at a friends. Actually it was a party. He wouldn't let me go, actually we fought about it last weekend. I said I would like to go and he said I just wanted to be up his ass. Anyway, I was by myself. I have 2small children, but I don't count that. I sat by myself and listened to all the people cheering, and having fun, and I just wanted to cry. I can relate to you. I come here though, and then I don't feel so alone.
Hi LMT there is no need to feel guilty about any of this all you are asking is for a normal conversation without the sarcasm but who defines normal and remember we are living with A's here. You know I am starting to think that there are not too many people in this world who do have the perfect relationship, so many dysfunctional families. You're not going to get your happiness within from your A- you need to love you . Try not to get caught in the trap when he is being sarcastic because you are the one who gets hurt. If he does answer with I don't have anything to say walk away from him and get busy. Tit for tat when he wants his needs to be met you too are unavailable. When you are alone in the house and everyone else is out look at it as a bonus. I love my own company and crave the personal space. That can be the time that you devote to your own well being. Run a bath soak in it, read a book etc. Luv Leo
I feel like my husbands mom, not his wife. He doesn't do anything without prompting or asking and it drives me nuts.
He sleeps in his room and I sleep in mine. He doesn't care whether we have conversations or not, certainly not anything but superficial conversations. Mostly about the dog. He obsesses about the dog.
Glad you could vent here. I got to too! I feel better....
I know the feeling well. I feel lonely a lot of the time, and just deal with it myself. I've learned to do something to entertain myself , but sometimes nothing works and I just have a good cry. I think it's hard to be lonely and be by yourself, but to me it's worse to be with someone and feel lonely while you're with them. Been there too. Was told by my ex bf while in the middle of relating a story to him on the phone that he was gonna go , he wasn't even really a phone person and then he hung up with me totally surprized! I hadn't been talking to him 10 minutes ! It hurt my feelings so much! So I know it hurts when they say ''I don't have anything to say" . It feels like we're not worth talking to. But, Kathi, you know you're a worthwhile person, you helped me a lot and you help people in the room too. But I know that it hurts when its from the one who's supposed to matter most in your life. I hope that it's just that he's trying to adjust to sobriety and can't think of what to talk about he's so filled with thoughts of trying to deal with staying sober. Or that he's stuffed his feelings for so long and drank to cover them, that he just doesn't know how to act with you now.
I'll keep you in my prayers. You know you can email me if ya like. I'm always there for ya lmt!
guess I needed to vent too! Hang in there!!