The material presented
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I don't want to be so resentful of my A, or angry. He came home last night, drunk and fell asleep about 5:00am, now, he is dressed and ready to go to the bar and watch the football game and do it again. I hate this disease. at first it was he would be home after the game, now it is he will watch both games, and he will be home before midnight. I don't believe that. I mean if he is great but once he is drinking, he just doesn't stop. Doesn't he get it that I am lonely, that I need time to go out somewhere without the kids? It's always all about him. I am trying to let it go, but I don't know if I can. Talking about it does no good. And he put on his new jeans and went to power wash his boots. It is almost like he is rubbing it in. Hey-I get out of the house and you don't. I feel like crap. he's happier away from me and the kids. I just get so fed up. I need to get to some f2f meetings, but I have no babysitter for my kids. Anyway, thank you all for listening.
i left my "A" 6 mths ago and im still in limbo. i couldnt live with the constant lying, bickering, disapoinments etc... that came with the addictions. he was also addicted to pills and coke,,, so taking 20-30 pills a day on top of 2 bottles of J.D or vodka..would make him go mental.
i had to get out. i didnt trust an inch of him...and he was hanging out with alot of slappers etc... he came home with hookers numbers in his cell phone... thats what killed me the most,.. the fact that he was out sleeping with other people...and i was lying in bed crying myslf to sleep wondering where he was.
he is still in contact with me.... i dont answer my phone but he still rings and texts all the time asking me to meet him...help him etc... i refuse. i know for a fact he is still using coke and drinking again... even after being in rehab over 18 times in 4 yrs...he is only 24 yrs of age.
life is a b***h. i learned that the hard way.
try and stay strong hun...an know that you always have us...u do know that..don't you?
Is he out driving around drunk? Does he know he might kill someone? At least my A stayed at home, but it was every bit as annoying and lonely with him being passed out all day long on the couch in front of the TV after getting up at 3am and starting up drinking each day.
It's easy to get resentful, and hard to ignore when you know he needs help, but it's ultimately all up to him...meanwhile your life must go on.
I can definitely empathize. The A was fiddling around all day Friday and then in bed all day yesterday. He did not offer to do one iota of housework and knows I am unwell. I no longer seek to control him by encouraging him to stay home or go out. I no longer get into it with him. I know he lies about where he goes. He says he goes to work, then it comes out he was not working. He lives the life of Rileyand I am supposed to pick up, put up and help out. He does not reciprocate.
I can be so consumed in where is he, what is the lie this time, what will happen next there is no room for me. So I take a step back and give his life back to him. Since he has decided to use it it his life. He does not want to step up and be a couple so I no longer step up and step in. I was all too eager to step up and step in. He very rarely had to ask. I just did it. Now he would have to ask and I have set limits with him. There are things I will no longe do and I set the limit down on those.
Do you have a car at home when he leaves? If so, the best thing you can do for yourself is get out and get busy, take your mind off of him. You can "choose" not to sit home and think of him either way. There's a slogan in alanon.."When I got busy I got better" And boy, it's so true....
take care Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
That would be hard dealing with an a with little kids. I hope you can make it to f2f meetings and get out and do something for yourself once in awhile.
Honestly, I found so much of my resentment when the kids were small was for just that - he seemed to be as free as a bird, while I was always tied to the house. I was always able to come up with excuses - didn't have the money, whatever. Really, that's all they were, excuses. If I had really felt that my needs and desires were as important as those of everybody else in the family's, I would have found a way.
The twenty bucks or whatever it costs, to get a sitter so you can get dinner with a friend, or a movie by yourself, won't break the budget. Your needs are important, and if you wait around for the A to take care of them, you'll be waiting a long long time.
