The material presented
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Ok, I hope this does not sound nuts, but I can tell the nights my A is going to go out, even before HE knows! It is just this feeling I get, I don't know, but I was wondering if anyone else could sense that too? Maybe it is b/c he got paid and has money, so I just figured he would go out. The only time he doesn't is when he is broke. but I knew he would go out tonight before he knew he was going. Then the thought entered my head that maybe he is with this girl he works with, and just said he's going to the bar. But then I realized that was crazy, b/c there is no way he'd pass up an opportunity to go to the bar. a coworker of mine said that going to bars leads to one-night-stands. I know that it could, but is this always the case, or are there exceptions? He calls if he'll be late(he hasn't NOT called in a LONG time!), and he is always home at 2:30ish. It is just that when he goes out I worry about so much other stuff, like accidents, and DUI's, and him being arrested, that if I add one-night-stands to the list I may go crazy!
there are so many other things I am feeling, but it is like it doesn't matter. Telling him will do no good. It will only cause a fight that I am not prepared to deal with. I am still biding my time until I can leave. Our lease is up the end of next month. I have started to look for places. What complicates things is that recently, he has become more abusive. It was intermittant before, name calling and throwing things, but last week he hit me and kicked me. I knew then I could not stay. Especially when my daughter saw a bruise, that actually he DIDN'T cause, and said "daddy hit you? you say sorry to daddy" She is 3. I didn't even know she knew what happened. The ironic thing though, is that this happened while he was sober!
I have so many jumbled up feelings right now I can't even make sense of them! Well thank you all for listening. I hope this made sense!
I sure hope you do find a way out soon. Abuse is not acceptable at all!! Did you call the police? You have every right to do whatever it takes to keep you safe.
keep coming back :) Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
well li l thats what happens when we become obessesed with someone else. we always try to be one step one thought ahead of them. Your world is centered around what he does and when he does it it's like we hold our breath til they do what we think they will do. and no it's not wierd for us who live with this it's normal. Until i got to al anon and detached emotionally from what he might or might not do i didn't have a life.
Always trying to figure out what thier next step will be is exausting and such a waste of our lives. I am sure like me u have other things u could be doing.
I hope u are attending al anon meetings for yourself there is nothing u can do about him but alot u can do for yourself. good luck Louise
You know what HE is going to do - do you know what YOu are going to do?
I have been where you are - so totally focused on him, and so unaware of what my own needs even were, let alone spending any time or energy on meeting them.
Good for you to be thinking of getting out, abuse is not acceptable. Funny how so often it is our kids who provide the spur we need, isn't it?
I understand. My A is recovering but choses other obsessions like computer games, TV, procrastination, etc. I would get this eerie feeling that he was addicting. I always told him that I knew he was going to do it before he did. There was a pattern of sorta setting it up. He would call and say he would be late, he would become more helpful, he would space out. And then he would eventually come home and say he was playing computer games for 5 hours instead of doing his work. What I would tell him was that it felt just like when he would drink - the feelings were the same. But what was destructive for me was that I would be drug down that road with him every time. My A would also start in on me - you are this and your are that. The marriage never worked, I never loved you.
We have to separate ourselves like you are doing. Especially for the children. I would tell him no computer games in the house, limited TV watching. Take care of yourself and your child. One day at a time.
