The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't posted in a week or so. Trying to get by. Been to a couple of f2f this week, they were quite helpful. I have been feeling very overwhelmed and pressured by my A's actions and words. He was calling like 10 times a day and if a day went by that he did not see me all i would here was how difficult it was for him. It seemed it was/is always about him. He wants so bad for me to believe that he is doing the right thing that he tells me a million times a day......When I don't respond the way he wants I get a look, a pause... something that inevitably causes me to feel bad. I just do not know what to do.
So... last night he called and in the conversation he said he understands that I need time and space, maybe I could call him when I want to meet to talk or something....Feel like it was just another manipultaion..It is 5:00 pm, he has not called today... did not go to the boys basketball games or call to speak to them either.
I feel like this total turn around is really just another manipulation and that all of his focus has been on trying to convince me that he is just doing so great but if he were doing so great he would want to have contact with the kids, not just me. I guess I feel like I am his obstacle to coming home so the contact was with me to manipulate me and so much for the kids.
Just that fact that I feel this way makes me realize how screwed up I really am and how much time/effort is going to take to get better, and I am tired.
Lynn: I was told by someone on the board recently that I was being manipulated by my A. That hurt but it was the truth. I had allowed myself to be entirely influenced by him and to have no life of my own. Getting to a place where I refused to be as dependent and as obsessed was important.
I do know the kind of rejection you speak about. My a can enclose himself entirely in his friends at times. I have managed to interject into that that since he is working so much (which he isn't ) that I hope he is able to pay his bills. Last year he told me so many lies about working and then had no money.
I can't say it has been easy to see how "used" I have been. At the same time I set myself up for it. When I can work on my own abandonment issues and not have them "out there" I do better.
I also know how it is to feel angry that the A does not hold up his obligations. My a has a dog who is very difficult to manage on many levels. He does very little for her but claims he cares deeply about her. The bulk of her care is left to me. That is very similar to the way he treats me, all words ,no actions.
