The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
That there was somewhere online I would be able to talk to ppl in my shoes. My A mother goes to AA meetings and tells the ppl there how she has not had a drink in years and how her family means everything to her, and it was only 3 weeks ago we caught her drunk....3 WEEKS AGO!!! LIES LIES LIES .....all she knows how to do is lie! She makes ppl feel sorry for her with her lies, and the sad part is, they do feel sorry for her and she can then munipulate them in to doing whatever she wants them to do! She lied our whole life and I cannot get past it because it just haunts me over and over again! I am a result of an affair she had and the man who raised me the best he could with all the disfunction going on, may not be my dad and I cannot forget that. Even though this hurts me so much, my mother sees nothing wrong with this and tells me to get over it!!!!I have no idea what my future will bring....I dont know if there is some sort of sickness that I should know about....what do I do....how do I deal with such a blow! Now to top off all my mothers crap...she met a man on the internet and without knowing who he is, she moved him across Canada to live with her and does not see a problem with that! I told her, well you can have himm there, but my kids will not be around him. You are welcome to my house, but he is not, I do not know him, he could be a child molester. She did not like this and she choose this stranger over her own family! I just cannot believe it....she has NOTHING to do with the kids, or me and I am the only child she has living here. I am so sorry for venting like this but you guys understand how great it feels to get it out. Thank you! mamaof4angels
Welcome, it does sound like this is the right place for you. We learn in alanon that there is not much we can do about the A, but there is plenty we can do for ourselves.
Lying, well, that's what A's do. Once we stop expecting them to tell the truth, be reliable, make sense, and so on, we can let it go, and move on with our own lives. A lot (not all, but a lot) of the chaos A's cause in our lives is because we keep expecting them to act like 'normal' people, and they keep disappointing us. Once we stop expecting, and stop depending on them, life goes smoother.
You've got those angels to care for - the saner you can get yourself, the better.
i feel the same. my A dad swore to everyone from the bar to his family that he was sober. he was sober for 3months (he asked if he could watch my kids) i told him if he stayed sober, he could watch the kids for an hour at a time (he loves my kids and i was confident in him b/c he's a good papaw)he could be here for xmas, and we welcomed him back to our family. it was all good until my sis surprised my dad one day by coming over to his house in the middle of the day. he was drunk. there were cans of beer on the counter and was slurring. she asked him where they came from and if they were his...he said i don't know where they came from, who's they were and that he definately did not drink them b/c he is sober. well, newsflash!! he lives alone. they were his. since that night i have no contact with him and he will never watch my kids again and for now, he won't have the privelage of seeing his grandkids. he is a lier, a cheater, and people feel sorry for him b/c he "cannot help it." i say BS, he chose it before his family. now i am choosing my family and my happiness over watching him kill himself.
just know that other people live with the same feelings. everyone has their own story, and it has been helpful for me to hear similar situations. you are not alone! i feel your pain.
yes and Flint, I feel your pain too. Never have I listened to someone who's situation seemed so similar to mine. My mother also choose booze and men over us. That is why I have stood up to protect and shelter my children from the life I lived. From the distruction and hate. I made a promise to myself a long time ago, my children would not go through what I have gone through! I still hurt and I still do not understand A's but I am trying to understand to help ME, Not HER, I have to walk away from trying to help her, she is beyond that! Thank you for understanding what I am feeling!
