The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i keep tossing the idea of going to meetings or not going. i think i feel the same way my dad feels about aa. he won't go b/c he feels it is below him and that he doesn't need them. i sometimes feel like i can cope and don't need them. more power to those of you that regularly go to meetings! i just think they are not for me.
did anyone else feel this way?i feel that people here might think that i am alittle "uppity" for not going. i am not. i just think i am stronger and don't need it.
then again, would i be here posting everyday if i didn't need someone to talk to? i just think i am too proud and don't want people face2face to know that i am upset. i'm a libra (i'm alittle supersticious)-i'm the one who is always trying to hold everything together and to please everyone...lucky me! but my siblings need me. they truely do need me.
so i guess this is it. this works for me right now.
Hi there, I am new and have not replied to anyone yet but I really felt I needed to reply to you. I DO understand how you are feeling....If you are at all like me ( because our situations are so similar), you wonder if you have it as bad as other ppl and should you have the right to go. We know there are ppl out there who has it so much worst then we do and sometimes we feel we may not feel welcome. This is how I have been feeling. Also we lived our whole life thinking this is normal then when we realize it is not normal, we are so programmed that we do not know what way to turn! Well, after I found these wonderful ppl in this room, I made the choice to go and I tell you, they welcomed me with open arms and there were many many ppl to talk to and it helped so much just to get it out! Also all those ppl, are feeling the SAME way you do, that is why it helps you so much. You are not alone! God Speed my friend!
I felt the same way you did. I had tons of reasons for not going to alanon. Let me tell you it is a humbling experience to walk through those doors. I quickly found that I was not alone. Everyone knows how you feel. Honestly! It has been two years for me and it has changed my life. I have control of me and I can make choices. I can choose to be happy no matter what others around me are doing. I suggest you try a meeting and listen. Chances are you will hear your story.
I use the excuse that I'm too tired, I don't want to get out in the cold, etc. to go to meetings. BUT I love coming in the chatroom, and do very often. It has helped me so much. I guess in meetings I feel a lot of time is spent reading the steps and traditions. I like talking and sharing more. I have a lot of loneliness and confusion and stuffed anger towards my husband. I just want him to love me the way he used to a few years ago. A lot of crap has happened between us, and tho we still live together, and sleep together, we are rarely intimate, and I miss that. I miss him coming up and hugging me for no reason. That has not been in our home for some time. Well, I'm rambling, but what I'm trying to say, is yeah, I know what you mean. I have trouble making myself go to meetings, but I'll come in the chatroom as often as I can. I know I need it, and without Alanon I cannot survive. I don't think I'm better than anyone else, I guess I'm just too lazy to drive to a meeting!
Omg, yes, I have felt that same way! My family needs me, my husband needs me, my daughter needs, the cats need me, the dog needed me, my clients need me, my friends need me, my 4 sisters need me...and who do I need? I thought I needed no one! I was the one who made everything right, the one who "knew it all"...what a laugh! How on earth can they possibly survive in life without my all-knowing intelligence? That totally exhaused me, thinking I had to be the one to make everything right. Who was I to think I was the only one capable of knowing it all? Then I found Alanon...
I know exactly where you are coming from, but you will find that you are doing yourself a favor and possibly saving your OWN life by getting involved in Alanon, going to meetings, talking to others who are or have been where you are. It's scary to open yourself up to another person, let alone a group of people, but it's the thing that literally saved me from insanity.
I hope I haven't offended you, but this is my own personal experience, and I wanted to let you know that you are NOT alone!
I have used many excuses to not go - too tired, cold, busy with work - but what it comes down to is that I feel I won't fit in because I don't have an active A in my life today. I have many in my family - mom, aunts, uncles, grandparents(were) - and dated several dry As. I came to Al-Anon specifically to work on myself. When I share I feel out of place when others are dealing with very clear and present issues with their As. I have no ESH to share with adults about their problems - at least I feel that way.
But when I do go, I gain a lot from the meetings. I am also searching for more ACA type Al-Anon meetings.
Don't let pride get in your way - but do take it one day at a time.
we may think you are "uppity", but you are not.... you are just stronger than the rest of us!!!
Lol... don't worry, no offense taken.... we really ARE like our A's in many ways.... we resist help and the acceptance that we are sick, no differently than they do.... We typically change our tune when we accept that "our lives have become unmanageable", as per step 1. You will go to meetings when you need to go to meetings, and not a moment before....
Reaching out is not about strength, or capability.... Meetings can be a support, and there is tremendous strength that comes from the "power of we", when we learn that our fears, and our worst moments, have been shared by others as well....
Take care
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I can definitely empathize. I think I always felt that I had to give my "all" to the relationship. When I did and that wasn't enough on so many levels I stood back. Now I no longer give my "all" to the relationship. I give it to me. I no longer shoulda coulda woulda myself. Yes going to ftf is sometimes dififcult there are other resources. I find chat helpful and this site even more helpful. I find setting limits very very helpful and do that all the time.
I no longer live in a sea of resentment as a result. Reaching out is difficult, the truth is very difficult but when I started to tell my truth to those who could hear it things started to change.
I sure do understand how you are feeling, I did find an alanon f2f meeting that I could go to if I really pushed myself into going...makes me nervous, plus the major A in my life died just 9 mos ago..I'm still dealing with the other one, but he hasnt been in contact with me since last fall, so I don't know if I should go to alanon since the As in my life are not in contact. There is lots of baggage left behind, a whole childhood of a crazy life, and constantly living to face the next day of what next? I do face a show down with the remaining A, and its going to be a tough one..but not expecting it until spring. So what to do, I have joined grief and loss groups, went through a 6 wk session, on loss, and tried to work through grief. So maybe that should be my main focus..but I do have a lot of issues on the past behavior of my As and how I was so affected by them. Well, just venting here..not sure what to do with myself. I think for you, you should try f2f, from what I have heard, it is well worth the experience. And you can really use the support. Its always hard getting over that 1st hurdle..isn't it? Gets easier so I ve heard. You can use the support there, sounds like a good thing..
but my siblings need me. they truely do need me.
I think for you, you should try f2f, from what I have heard, it is well worth the experience. And you can really use the support. Its always hard getting over that 1st hurdle..isn't it? Gets easier so I ve heard. You can use the support there, sounds like a good thing..