The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have known my boyfriend since middle school. We were friends thoughout the years. We hit it off more recently and became a couple. I should have known better not to fall in love and pursue a relationship with him. Both of us were of the grunge band stoner crew back in the day. I had problems with pills and alcohol. I don't do them any more and haven't for a long time. He has had substance abuse problems.
When I moved out of state to be with him, I found out just how much he drank. He also smokes a lot of pot. He has started to sell it again too. I was heartbroken and just felt awful. Not only that but his sister who lived with us is also badly alcoholic and borderline. She has attacked me a few times. After three months, I couldn't take it any more. I started having seizures and had to leave. I packed up all my things and left yesterday. He was crying so hard and saying what a piece of shit he is. I told him that the stress is making my epilpesy go crazy and I couldn't stay in this environment. I quit my job as an aesthetican at a salon which also had a lot of drama and bullying and moved back home with my parents.
I am kind of kicking myself. When he came out to visit me and meet my parents and brother, he had to sneak in beer. He also snuck in pot and smoked it out by the shed. :( I knew I shouldn't have covered for him and pretended everything was okay. My own father and brother had their own addiction issues. So yeah. Typical ACOA, right?
He has been posting "feel sorry for me, I am a *** up" stuff on Facebook. I'm laying low and not even bothering reading anything. I haven't even told very many people I am back in Ohio from Indianapolis!
He has a good heart. He is very funny. But he has a LOT of problems that I can't fix for him. I want him to get help, but of course I can't make him. I don't know how I made it from Indy back to Cleveland without having a seizure. I haven't had seizures for four dang years until I got myself into this situation.
I can't wait until Tuesday so I can meet a face to face group. I had to say something now.
I can't stop crying.
Why do I get into these damned co dependent crap situations?
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 4th of October 2013 09:26:45 PM
Hi. I think you know why you get into those co-dependent situations and the good news is that you know how to get yourself through and out of them in Al-Anon. Sounds like you pay attention to your body's warnings. Good for you. You recognized what your body was trying to tell you through the epileptic seizures and you allowed your good sense to move you out of that situation that you knew wasn't good for you. As a recovering codependent myself, I can say that the program works if we work it. I don't even have codependent female friend relationships now. My really good friends are very healthy friends. I couldn't say that at some point in my life. I can now. I'm for the most part happy with my life as it is and haven't had an SO relationship with an active A for more than 30 years. I don't think I could say that now if I hadn't done the work I needed to do in Al-Anon and Coda. I'm glad you chose to leave a toxic relationship and to attend meetings, too. Keep coming back here. You're in the right place.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 4th of October 2013 09:16:37 PM
Hi. I think you know why you get into those co-dependent situations and the good news is that you know how to get yourself through and out of them in Al-Anon. Sounds like you pay attention to your body's warnings. Good for you. You recognized what your body was trying to tell you through the epileptic seizures and you allowed your good sense to move you out of that situation that you knew wasn't good for you. As a recovering codependent myself, I can say that the program works if we work it. I don't even have codependent female friend relationships now. My really good friends are very healthy friends. I couldn't say that at some point in my life. I can now. I'm for the most part happy with my life as it is and haven't had an SO relationship with an active A for more than 30 years. I don't think I could say that now if I hadn't done the work I needed to do in Al-Anon and Coda. I'm glad you chose to leave a toxic relationship and to attend meetings, too. Keep coming back here. You're in the right place.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 4th of October 2013 09:16:37 PM
I absolutely am in the same mind set as Grateful, here.....I used to be sooo CODA I didn't listen to my body, so you are doing better than I was at first....however 11 years in the program, working the steps..sponsor interaction, slogan practice, practice practice what I read, got me into where I am now.....NO as Grateful says SO relationships w/any drinkers or druggers...don't want them......NO CODA relationships as of just recently when I had to do a "no contact" rule for myself re: my younger daughter....I take care of me....I help others but not at the expense of my needs...my rights....my respect...ect.......I, too am glad u left this very toxic relationship....it had nothing to serve you but heartache......living w/an active drinker or drugger who is NOT sober NOT in recovery is living w/ heartache b/c there is no hope for a healthy relationship...oh u may survive and cope, but that will be the life....just surviving and coping w/his active disease......trust me...life does have better out there to offer......there ARE healthy folks out there w/just regular human stuff that we all have......I do hope you invest your time working on YOU....healing YOU.....good job, leaving and realzing that this is NOT good for you
-- Edited by neshema2 on Friday 4th of October 2013 10:53:24 PM
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
"B" welcome to the board and go easy on yourself for now. You have a ton of stuff you're carrying while being epileptic and that isn't good at all. Take care of that condition as best you can...you can get to an online meeting here on the board...face page and check meeting room to get in. You're closer than I am to it so it should more timely. You must have one huge Higher Power walking the walk with you and that's good cause your condition is as serious as you've told it. Stay on this board and read, read, read to get a hang of where we've come from...what we've found out...what we've been changing and what it's like for us today. You can take anything here to help yourself and leave the rest for later when things get better. Great that you dropped the chemicals cause that stuff don't help your condition one bit. I'm happy you made it to the board and there will be others coming up with ((((hugs)))) and shares for you also. Keep coming back.
