The material presented
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to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am feeling more than a little frustrated right now and thought I would write it here, as this may help.
As you may know my a (husband) has his own home to go to when he drinks. He is a binge drinker who will drink 24/7 for a week or so. Then go through the horrible recovery symptoms. Then he is able to come home to me and our three children, when he is sober. So he will be home for 2, maybe 3 weeks and then he is gone again.
Well I can see the signs of his next binge coming on, right now. But in order for him to feel free to "go" he has always needed an excuse, eg. a fight with me, or to be peed off with some company or someone else. But this week he is trying to use one of our children as an excuse to go drink. We have a 14yo daughter, who is going through some very typical moody teenage stuff. He is taking her behaviour and using it as a personal insult against him!
It angers me that he needs to find an excuse to go. I have long ago "let it go" and have my boundaries in place that I am happy with.
He has no need to do this, it's just so frustrating...
How do you get him to leave when he crosses your boundry? Can you extend that boundry to the children?
They don't have the tools yet to protect themselves. Your doing great teaching them by your example but sometimes you may have to take the upper hand. It's one thing to not mind his business, but when it affect your children, he just made it your business.
It's so hard when the children get sucked in, I totally understand how and why you get upset.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
I have always told my A that I know when he is going to addict before he does (he doesn't abuse substances anymore). It is like this wind-up to explode. And then I would start to get pulled in. I would have to set boundaries like no computer games in the house and limited TV watching. Is there a way to tell him that the children are off limits? Or that you send him away before he says he is going? Sometimes I think that the A's need the element of surprise ie we get to make decisions too.
Thanks for your thoughts, input from other people is so useful as when I am feeling emotional I can't think clearly.
I took your thoughts on board, and yesterday I asked my A to leave. I told him what was stressing me and he accepted that and left for his house. He was a lttle surprised but there were no arguments.
