The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am very angry because today I found that my husband was drinnking the little bottles. My every thought is on him. I don't change his mind about going to aa because of the mood I am in. Run away from the situation. My a bring up little matters and making a big deal about it, an me getting defensive. Struggling with eating, showering, cleaness, and washing clothes. I counted his bottles in the recycling. Watching to see if he goes to buy hard liquor. Putting all your hopes up in him going to AA. Putting all your hopes in it. Husband not being able to stand up and helping him into bed. His son angry about his father drinking. I am as well. Once time I left him since starting the Alanon program, due to his voilence. I have a problem contoling my tempter my husband knows the right buttons to push to set me off. Having to think I have to calm him down. Last year new years eve I went without him to my friends house and stayed over night. Having husband say he sees things that aren't there and arging you about it. Feeling trapped in the situation. Taking a shower to get away from him screaming an yelling. I would call him during the day to see how drunk he was. When there was a problem I would be called by his son because I would rush home. When getting home I would talk to my husband like a child because that is the way I thought he would listen. Cut my arm to see the blood come out because I am stressed out over his drinking. Moving to a new place since I been at this place for 6 yrs and I don't like change.
Those are the ways I dealt with life when I first came into Alanon. If you have followed my posts you will see were I am now.
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
my "A" has left his family home..(fight with a doctor and family has a barring order on him now). he stayed in a homeless shelter for 4 nights... then begged me to help him. i found him a rented house...he's in there 2 nights now... and he has rang saying its a disaster... there is nothing wrong with the house.... its him
he wont be happy anywhere.... some of his "good" possessions got "stolen or lost" today...he says...and they are worth alot of money.... about €3,500. i have such a fear deep inside me that he sold them. he is on medication again...sleeping pills, valium etc... that the doc gave him... again there is me thinking there prob was no doc...only his street friends....
...i assume alot... but then again is it "womans intuition"...i dont know. he told me he needs space to think and time to clear his head... the last time he told me that.... he went on a drinkng binge with "coke" as is supplement....
im weary from worry...weary from wondering and i wish the whole lot would just disappear.
i know i am not going out with him anymore...but its the sight of someone you love in pain, hurting sooo much and killing themselves..... that is killing me! i hated seeing him in the homeless shelter on those crummy mattresses...that god knows who..slept there before him... knowing that we had been sooo happy snuggled up 2gether last year warm in our bed...together...happy.....seems like a lifetime ago now.
im lost...alone...and dying on the inside...will all that go away if i sever all contact with him???
i dont thik so...i will always wonder if he is o.k.... healthy...happy..etc...
i know lies come with the disease...but how much behaviour can we excuse... how much can we "blame" the disease for???
does anyone ...or is it possible for an "A" to ever fully recover...when all they feel is pain...all they cause is constant hurt??
nycbt.... i know for a fact.. i cant live that kind of life...i would be terrified to raise a child in that environment...... and to think...all i thought about this time last year was how gorgous our babies would be...
...........life sucks bigtime ...all iam thankful for is this website... and all the friends i have mae throu my pain.... i never knew unconditional love and support until i logged in here...
I understand your pain and will include you in my prayers.
Life is a journey, sometimes we stall or even unwillingly go into reverse, I think it gives us the opportunity to revisit those ever important "basics".
