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I read somewhere recently that when you're working on your spirituality, asking others how they pray can help.
In my last post, I said I have been going to church. When I attend Mass, I kneel and pray, but half the time I don't feel anything. No connection. Are you supposed to feel connected? I look around and wonder how other people pray. Everyone always seems so serious. Eyes closed, head down, deep in thought.
I close my eyes, and think "help me out here. where are you? I can kneel and do this at home." Then I started thinking that church would be a good social network for me. My mom suggested that I make friends with the couples in their 50s and 60s because they might have single male children. LOL. She wants grandkids. I date, but am not dating the right people, mostly the emotionally unavailable kind.
I am feeling a bit lost. Can you all tell?!
Here is what I want to know:
How do you pray? Is church more social or more about connecting and being spiritual? Does anyone else who is dating sometimes feel lost and confused? (Men are so confusing to me.)
If church works for you great. If it doesn't, you don't need it to connect with your higher power or pray. The 12 steps are based on spiritual principles used by religion, but religion is not a requirement.
My concept of prayer when growing up was much different that it is now. I used to have this concept of a Santa Claus-like God who granted wishes if I was a good boy. All I needed to do was be good and pray for stuff and I would get it. It never worked.
Now I pray to my higher power to help make me a better person. To take my character defects from me. To take my will away and accept his. By this I mean to begin accepting things as they are and will be and stop being disapointed when things don't go the way I expect or want them to go. I pray to accept others as they are and remove my expectations of how I think they should be. I pray to be able to things to the best of my ability and accept whatever the outcome is.
I'm still kind of new at this, but it seems to work. For me.
thanks Lou and Megan - I can take a bit of what you both said and understand as thats how I feel too.
"accept things the way they are and not be disappointed when they dont go according to my plan" - I struggle with this but the past few days just been turning things over (to whoever, not sure who) and its been working. Im starting to see more positive things and not DWELLING on the negative.
The pastor at the Church I joined in Oct also works at a recovery hospital. I find I can relate to his sermons more than at the Church nearest my house.
Wow, Uncle Lou's "Santa Clause" God hits the nail on the head for me.
I used to ask for things I wanted. In a way I still do. But I pray w/o a specific outcome in mind. When I pray for my A, I don't ask HP to get her sober, I pray that he assists her with her journey, wherever HP takes her.
How do I pray? Sometimes it's just finding a quiet moment. Sometimes I need to pray and the only quiet place I can find is the bathroom. So there I sit praying. Chuch is not a requirement for me to speak to my HP. Anyplace is fine. Some people pray while driving (makes me thing.....Hey why don't you just go pray in traffic ! lol) and I have done so, cause I'm alone, and quiet. Sometimes I just speak (actually speaking or thinking mentally) to my HP inconversational tones, sometimes I read specific prayers that others have shared with me.
For me church serves many purposes when I actually get there. For me it is a place to puts me in a place and mood of reverence to my HP. The words I hear spoken from the pulpit serve as 'sharing'. They are reminders of what my HP may expect, they may be reminders of how I can live HP's will every day. Also, if one regulary attends mass, (which I admit I don't) it makes at least some spirituality habitual. Personally it's the habit of daily prayer that I just can't seem to keep. I either can't plan my quiet moments or I wait until I'm laying down and I fall asleep.
As for hearing my HP speak to me. I personally don't hear words from my HP, many do. I have accepted as I've heard shared that 'there are no coincidences in life, just your HP speaking to you anonomously.' I've been praying or having just finished and right at a moment when I need reassurance, a warm breeze has come over me. I've had a song come on the radio, maybe it's a roadside sign that somehow relates. We had a Step 11 meeting, we were locked out of church yet one of the members found a placemat ad in the diner we landed at that reminded us about our HP LOL. Heck to me, my HP is talking to me when I keep hearing the same topic at the different meetings or even those meetings where the reading you do or someones share is EXACTLY what you needed to hear.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
Hi MollyAnn! Great topic! I used to be a part of formal religion--going to church, singing in church choirs, all of that--but I can't say that that really helped me "know" that God was there for me. In fact, I felt very distant from all that, and very unqualified for heaven! That was before recovery.
Now I know a higher power that is much more personal and daily, and if I can remember to say the simple prayers of either "thanks!" or "help!", I'm in a better place already.
I pray in conversation style any time any where. I cry, I ask why, I rant, I rave, I tell him when I don't like what's going on, I tell him when I 'm mad at him and think I'm getting "a raw deal". My HP knows everything anyway, so if I don't say who am I fooling--noone. It just makes me feel better to say it. I know my HP has his own plan for my life--I don't have to like it all the time, I just have to realize he has better plans for me than I do---even if I don't understand. I don't get clear messages back like some people do, but I do know he loves me and is there for me. So when I'm driving down the road, or sitting behind my desk at school, or up infront of my class (which drives me crazy at times), or lying in bed, or kneeling down beside my bed or at the table or whereever I just talk. I let him know I'm thankful he loves me, I'm thankful he is in charge and I don't have to be, I'm thankful for all my blessings, I let him know my struggles and all!!!
When I'm at church and someone is up praying, sometimes I listen, other times I say my own prayer, to me that's more personal. I find that helps me sometimes.
Do I always feel great after I pray--no. Do I automatically find all the answers I want--no. But I'm keeping the communication lines open.
when i pray, i have a frank conversation with my hp in my head, and i do it anywhere, wherever i need to. at a minimum i do it in the morning, because it helps me to get my day off to a more peaceful start. i start out by asking for guidance in the day, and reminding myself that i know hp is looking out for me (i used to say this as part of acting "as if" i believed, until i actually believed it myself. now i don't act as if anymore, i know).
for me there weren't any immediate "a-ha!" moments about praying. i didn't immediately know i was being listened to. i didn't know i was being guided. i gradually, however, came to know that this is true. it brings me peace now where i didn't have it before. i've had a lot of health problems, and they used to throw me for a real loop when they came up. yesterday i was in the er, and instead of panicking i used the time to sit and have a conversation with my hp, asking him to help me through this situation. and i knew that he would. it's nice to be calm. try not to rush it. it will come. it did for me, and continues to.
Wow! Thanks all, for the great shares here about prayer. These posts, beginning with "how do you pray?" sounded like Psalms to me. I am so glad you are all here. mebjk
Great topic. I started prayer in earnest with the Serenity Prayer when I was backed up against the wall. it worked! My own religion has the Holy Spirit which translates when I cannot put into words. If all I can do is moan, that gets translated as a request for help, etc. I don't think we have to be eloquent about this, just intending to connect. There is an excellent book, With Open Hands, on the topic. -- Jill
don't worry about how or where you pray...my friend who had a very serious bladder operation and was in recovery for it..after 4 times a repair..said her prayers in the shower..and that was just fine..God doesn't care..he cares for us, and hears what we say even if its a little what I call arrow prayer , we just think of in a simple way and shoot up into heaven for us at the spur of a moment..do you realise you honor God in such a way..You honor Him, because at that moment you are beliving in Him..and that alone honors God..and he is smiling at you...He feels so much rejection, how pure it is to have someone simply ask a prayer out of the blue...you are doing yourself so much good, dear heart..keep it up..ok...love and prayers, kat
