The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi. I have been with my addict since we were 11 years old. We have been in a consistent relationship for the past 7 years with a few hiccups in between. We are both only 22 years old and we have a 4 year old daughter and another girl on the way! I love him more than I can say, despite every wrong doing he has done to me, and I have not been perfect either. He has been in the program for the past 4 years and has 60 days sober now since he has some missteps in between. I know that he is sober now and that is all I want, but all the other issues are still there. I do not expect him to be perfect since hes sober, but I am unsure of where to draw the line of things I let him plan his addiction on, like his snappiness and ways I am talked to sometimes. I know its a long process but it's hard when I feel like things are the same there's just no drugs involved. I want things to go smoothly since we are expecting in December and I do have an insane amount of love for him. Is it better to let him go and focus on being sober? Where do I draw the line and make him take responsibility? What are my options?
Congrats on your expected new baby and your hubbys attempt at soberity. What you are experiencing is normal for early soberity and the best you can do is to search out alanon face to face meetings in your community and attend We who live with this disease also need a program of recovery. In Alanon I learned to break the isolation caused by this disease, to act and not react and develp new tools to live by
Welcome to MIP and congratulations on your soon to be addition. I too hope you can find some face to face al-anon meetings in your area for yourself. The book "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews helped me a lot also. I am sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Aloha (((((MissMonty))))) and welcome also from the Pacific part of MIP. Hotrod and Breakingfree have both made the most important suggestion I have ever heard myself or said myself as a member of the World-Wide fellowship of Al-Anon. It's best to be around others who know where you're at and what you're going thru because we have done that also. We didn't know and some of us didn't know that we didn't know about the disease of alcoholism and drug addiction. We had no idea. I thought my alcoholic/addict wife could and would just moderate and then "cool it" some so that we could find a place among "normal" people and then I found out for us that "abnormal was normal" and I went insane. I got so sick of it that I even stopped my own alcoholic drinking and then with the help of my higher power who I choose to call Akua (Hawaiian Culture God) I found the face to face rooms of Al-Anon myself and by listening, learning and practicing the program I got my life back. Encourage your addict to participate in his recovery first and don't step up in front of him with a "honey do for me list" so often that the frustration sets back in on him. Frustrated addicts and alcoholics calm themselves with chemicals...calm themselves like one would prepare for surgery...anestethized. Keep coming back here as you look for the face to face Al-Anon groups from the hotline number in the white pages of your local telephone book. We are in your area...you can get real hugs in the meetings...only get cyber ((((hugs)))) here but what the hey!! all hugs are great.
I love him more than I can say, despite every wrong doing he has done to me, and I have not been perfect either. He has been in the program for the past 4 years and has 60 days sober now since he has some missteps in between. I know that he is sober now and that is all I want, but all the other issues are still there. I do not expect him to be perfect since hes sober, but I am unsure of where to draw the line of things I let him plan his addiction on, like his snappiness and ways I am talked to sometimes. I know its a long process but it's hard when I feel like things are the same there's just no drugs involved. I want things to go smoothly since we are expecting in December and I do have an insane amount of love for him. Is it better to let him go and focus on being sober? Where do I draw the line and make him take responsibility? What are my options? 
