The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i have been questioning my whloe life lately and my mental state seems to deteriorate. I am on antipsycotic meds. My behaviour seems unacceptable, my moods fluctuating some day iam rational other times i dont seem to make sense to any one and i am always reffered bact to my mental illness whenever i try to reason with my friends and family.I have been in the fellowship 4 3 years and only when i felt like my sanity had been restored something wierd happenned and i can explain this as insanity coz i seem to see like my life is comimg to an end.I have ran for help to church ministers to my sponsor and other aloanon friends but i still feel very powerless and scared of dying and hurting my daughter. I feel i have support from many people and i seem to come into times with my situation.I am surrendering all to my higher power God of love.I feel like i just need sometime alone and have asked my daughter's father to stay with her for a while until i can sort my self emotionally.I am optimistic that the lesser i can release myself from my past the more capable iam in a good position to love myself hence others.I believe my higher power has been with me n is still with me regardless of whats happenned all my life.My past no longer needs to pull me down i can trust my Hp with it and focus on the present be good to myself and stop treating myself so harshly.I love life and i know iam worth living.
Aww Hopeful! You are SO not alone in what you are feeling.
I know for me, I pull out the Courage to Change when I feel like what you do right now. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in what I think life "should" be, and totally disregard what really is. I think that I "should" be more neat, more accepting, more loving, more kind...and totally miss that I AM neat, accepting, loving, kind....
Sometimes I surround myself with the things that bring me down. Usually NON-Program people, like my family, my Alcoholic/Addict husband and his friends, work mates...
I usually feel much better about myself when I apply the 12th step, and try to give away the good stuff that I have.
My sponsor has to remind me all the time to go easy on myself, to trust myself, and to remember that what I already am is good. I have character defects, but I also have character attributes that are "splendid" in the eyes of God.
I also feel much better when I pull out the blueprint for progress (Alanon's 4th step workbook) and ask God to help me see the positive.
We all have shit on our plate. We just have to make the choice to eat around it.
Keep your chin up Hopeful. You have picked a good nick, so obviously you are quite an optimist, and if not, you are certainly trying!!!
You are not alone. I think it might be wise to take some time alone for yourself and get int touch. Have you considered going away for a few days maybe?
Also you mentioned medication, do you think you might need to look at that and maybe make sure your on the right dosage etc. I remember 2 springs ago my doctor upped my dosage and I was VERY disoriented. I couldn't focus, didn't know what I was thinking and even got lost on my way to work one morning.
