The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
He's an alcoholic - taking off work, being unreliable, these are just things that they do.
He's gonna keep doing this whether it makes you crazy or not. So, your part in this is to decide how you will react to it - accept that this is how he is, and live with it, or maybe decide that you don't want to live like this anymore, and get out, or....? Getting mad every time he does it IS an option, but not a very good one. It just means that you will be mad a lot. It won't change him.
This is true. Its my option whether I get mad at him or not. I'll try focusing more on myself (and our son) today. I read the daily Courage to Change and the One day at a Time bookmark. Maybe this is what they mean by "keep going back to Step one"
Sometimes I feel as if he really doesnt want to be a husband or dad.
It is always tough to keep in mind that we are dealing with a disease and that it affects us just as much as it does the person consuming the alcohol. I found that it helped me to accept (not like but accept) the behaviors of the alcoholic by going to open AA meetings and listening with an open mind the leads that they gave. I began to realize that of all these millions of people affected by the disease and truly wonderful people being consumed by the horrors of this ailement, as was I by not realizing that I was reacting and acting alot like the alcoholic even though I was not the one drinking. I learned that happiness is a sensation that only I had the choice to embrace or let go of depending on the perspective I choose to use in dealing with my situations. Towards the end of my marriage as my a fell off the wagon and progressed to the point of having affairs, I was able to understand that where he was at had nothing to do with me nor with him, but with the disease that is a destroyer.
Finding the serenity of our program is a possible thing, we have that choice!
My A was doing the same thing, eventually it got to the point that he wasn't keeping a job. And oh, man- having his lazy A* home for four months straight made me a crazy person. I can definately understand your feelings. It's hard not to get mad and tell them to suck it up and be a man! Work on yourself and do whatever you can to make sure that you'll be taken care of. I got a job and started saving money. He hated the fact that I was working, but I knew that it had to be done.
In my experience with my A husband who works 3 nights a week, then has 4 days off the only thing I can do when he chooses to sleep for 3 days straight is keep busy. Lazy a## has crossed my mind as well as a few other choice words. I go to work, I clean up the house, I do what I would normally do if there was not a bump on the couch. It's not easy, resentments build up when after working I come home to work some more while he lays there. I try to remind myself how depressing it must be and how grateful I AM to be able to get up and do my thing happily. I hope it helps just to know that I can understand how frustrating it is. i hope you find a place of comfort and serenity today. Take care!
why i am resentful.........He didn't go to work today (you can fill out the rest)
This is an exercise from step 4 that has really helped me. Every time I do it I learn something else about myself that I didn't realize. Let me know if it helps.
what it affects (what did they hurt, threaten or interfere with?
was it.
self-esteem? i am........
pride?No one should......
ambition?i want.....
security?i need......
personal relations? others should....
sex relations?men should....
pocketbook?money gives......
my role..... my part:
putting out of my mind the wrongs they had done me, where was i at fault?
where was i
selfish?
dishonest?
selfseeking?
afraid?
and/or how did i place myself ihn a position to be hurt?
when i see my faults i list them
how do i treat others when i am in this role?
selfishness?......
dishonesty?......
self delusion....
1.....
2....
3....
basic delusion...
. i am afraid if......
. then.........
__________________
Kathy S --
~*I trust my Higher Power that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life today.*~
