The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One of the main symptoms of my disease is a sense of uncertaintity and confusion. This is especially true when I have to make a decision about something that is full of emotion, which for me is just about everything, Setting a boundary with a friend, standing up for myself on the job, staying home from work when I am sick, taking a night class, or doing whatever is best for ME at that time has paralyzed me for days. In the past, these actions have left me in a fog that lasted for years.
For most of my life, I was at a loss figuring out how to handle my bouts of fear and indicisions. The one day I commented to my sponsor that I felt increadibly grounded and clear-headed whenever I walked into an Alanon meeting, I told her I experienced the most inspiration while sitting there with a group of recovery people and just listening, Either my fellow alanon members would say something I needed to hear, or I would experience an epiphany concering a situation I found troubling.
My sponsor replied "Thats because you are in the "real rooms". I knew exactly what she meant. Lies and delusions of control are unnecessary in alanon. When I am in a meeting, I can tap into a fountain of information that I call my Guiding Power. I like who I am in meetings. This is who I want to be when I leave the meeting.
Now whenever I am confused, angry , lonely or tired of life's unexpected pitfalls. I seek out a "real room". In alanon I find the clarity I need to experience serenity.
Taken from "The Forum"..........................................................gardengal
Thanks for the share... it was such an awesome experience to realize that until I came into the "real" rooms of Al-anon, I hadn't an inkling that I didn't have the ability to even be "real" with myself. The power of denial is tremendous, but to know that we have this wonderful program to break down that power is a huge piece of serenity in itself.
My sponsor shared this with me this morning:
Happiness is a sensation we achieve by being too busy to be miserable
Hopefully we will continue to "busy" ourselves my attending and serving in our meetings this year.
I tend to be a VERY decisive person. I rarely have bouts of indicision. I usually know my mind and my heart and when I need time to think about something I take that time and God provides the answers for me.
In the last 4 months I have never been less decisive in my entire life. I've been faced with some incredibly hard decisions. Maybe some of the hardest in my life. I feel like God has thrown things at me that have changed my entire concept of what is possible and what "Truth" is. And worst of all I have NO idea what lesson it is that I'm supposed to be learning.
I've been trying not to think too much about it and just let things a happen. But it's difficult. I've been praying for God to reveal his will to me, and if his will is not for me to know then ti at least let His will be done in my life. It's killing me to be so confused. My mind and my heart are so far apart that it's difficult to even decide what to have for lunch.
The day it took me 45 min. to select a pack of post-it notes at Wal-mart, I blamed wal-mart for having too many to chose from. But when I got home and actually berated myself for my selection -- I knew my life had become unmanageable (lol). My decision making abilities had gone down the tubes! I couldn't even buy post-it notes without feeling like my decision was wrong. I put those Post-it notes in a drawer and didn't use them for a year because I couldn't stand to look at them. Then the day came that I took them out of the drawer and was glad to use them. They reminded me of where I'd been and how I never wanted to go back there again.
I am so glad I am no longer at that point in my life. Some of the things shared by others in Al-anon that helped me grow were:
To avoid decision is in itself is a decision, it is deciding not to do. (this is neither good or bad)
That I am not God*, my decisions are not all powerful and I can't ruin His plan. That if I am attempting to do what's best, seeking His guidance and letting go of the outcome then whatever I have decided, God still has the power to work with my decision. (*My HP whom I chose to call God)
That looking to someone else to make decisions for me or tell me what to do is unhealthy and gives away one of the few things I actually have control over - me.
And that in Al-anon I have a wonderful sounding board - Sometime just talking it out brings clarity.
This was a great post. I definitely know those feelings of indecision and fear. For years itI have struggled with making a well thought out sound decisions for fear of it being the wrong one. I like to describe myself as being (but not quite so bad today!) hesitant, but impulsive. I believe I am very unsure of myself, but getting more sure thanks to post like this. Just knowing someone else feels some of the same things I do is extremely comforting for me.
