The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
thank you to all the people who have leant me support, constant love and understanding in this website...even when you dont know me pesonally.
i am still going thou an emotional turmoiland feel depressed.... i do need a counsellor to talk to.
i wrote a big long e-mail to my ex tonite.... telling him i was letting me go.
i have to.its not fair on him. he is sober for the last 10 weeks...but yet i am freaking at him because hes getting out there and making friends, joining football clubs etc... things that i suggestedto him to do.
he always used to ask me to teach him how to drive...i was going to start before we broke up...but it didnt happen.
now i learn that one of his new friends is teaching him.
helping him to move on with his life. i feel left out. alone.
i cant cope with the fact that he seems to be coping quite well with our break up...and im in bits.
i cant even be friends with him..... its impossible to be friends with someone who your still in love with it hurts too much.
where will it all end....
if i didnt have you gys in here... i dont know what i would do.
Hi rebec I hope its getting better 4 u. I'm at 2 years and thousands of dollars later from breaking it off with my ex. I know whut u r saying as I do - my ex would say a thing and then unsay it in his next breath cycle. Some call that lying - I do hope he wakes up. Meanwhile he has blown out my trust cycles on most everything and everyone. Do your best to take care of u. Regards, \/\/ille
Same here - I found more strength, hope, love and support from this board and the people I have met in f2f than I did in my own family. I am growing stronger everyday thanks to taking that first step in coming to alanon - I didnt even know it existed before this!!
Rebecca: Maybe you are in burn out. I dont know what the lead up to the sobriety point was for this man but generally a lot of people are left in the dust ground to a fine foam before an addict gets sober. It sounds like you are worn to the quick and wondering well where's mine?
With my boyfriend if I don't set limits I go into catatonia. Right now creditors are calling night and day for him threatening this and that legal action. There is all this bullshit when I go to get the mail about certified letters. He does not want to see them because if he reads something that upsets him then it is my fault. Gee whiz talk about on eggshells.
I can take it very personally but since I have been back in this program (well last time I didn't give it a chance) I am working really hard on detaching. I am also working hard on seeing the absurd in it. I can make mountains out of nothing that is one thing I do a lot to catastrophize. In fact in my parents house the only thing that got attention was catastrophe.
I dont' think you are left in the dust by any means I think you are burned out and need rest, relaxation and help to get back on your feet. There is nothing wrong with that. You don't have to roar off into the sunset and be having a great life to be living. Sometimes we have to take a step back regroup and move on. Addicts tend to live their life in full frontal don't they either pathetic and requesting help or leaving us in the dust while they are off doing whatever they do in this full scale Hey look at me stuff. They can't do anything quietly, patiently and one step at a time. I do think people need a lot of energy in early recovery but some of the energy in I'm changing my life overnight stuff is this denial energy that isn't necessarily the change your life stuff is it?
Hang in there, we're here for you. One of the best things my sponsor emphasized to me was the importance of ME getting a "life of your own" - meaning, I had to find interests of my own, friends of my own, etc. so that if/when my A got into recovery I would not feel left out. This is also why Al-Anon is so important to me. I have a "family" here who understands, who I can turn to, so I am never alone. When I am busy with Al-Anon and doing for me, I find I'm not sitting around missing my A. No, he is not gone from my life, but he is a truck driver and gone for weeks at a time, then home for a day or two. And I find I am okay with that. My A once told me that when he did get into recovery I would have to accept that he may spend most of his time at meetings or getting together with others in recovery, whenever he had the need to be with them. Having been here in Al-Anon, I now fully understand why he said that, why he would need that. He will need the support of others like him, just as I need the support of others like me. And I am here online every day just about, so yes, I do understand now. He might grump a bit about the time I spend with my program, but he supports it knowing it is the key to a better life for me. How could I do any less for him when he decides it is his time for recovery also? Dive into your own recovery - its worth it!!
Luv, Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
