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I got a little sleep but was restless, obviously. Got up and read the replies to my post. Thank you so much to those of you who replied, it gives a bit of clarity. So this is what I am wondering, can I call the hospital that just discharged him and speak to the Dr. I spoke to him while he was there, they started the lithium, said they would not discharge him until he was stabilized and had a plan. The plan part, well, obviously the part about not coming home, which was made clear to them, was not processed because he thougth he could come out and manipulate me. This was on Tuesday afternoon, 2 hours later the chaos began and he has spoken of suicide several times. That was why he was hospitalized in the first place, after the crisis team at a local hospital took the threats seriously. He was there for 12 days. Was diagnosed bipolar, started on lithium. Spent several days in quite a depression at the hospital, stayed in his room in the dark for 4 days. So, I am just wondering, could I call the Dr. and ask him if I should be taking this seriously or not. I know that I cannot control it and do not want to run into rescue mode, that is my typical behaviour, to fix it. I guess I get some sort of something out of that. I don't know, to be figured out later.
Sorry things are so hard for you right now hon. Sounds like you are doing great though. I tend to agree with anyone else about the manipulation. Guess you could try calling the doctor and asking how seriously you should take the threats. Might give you peace of mind. Have you tried rebooting your computer to get into chat? Or you could download mirc. I haven't had a problem getting in with that. I think there is a link to download on the mip page if you scroll down. Try to get to a meeting today. Call if you need me.
Earlier this year just before my husband started taking lithium I had a similar situation with him. He was lying on the bed crying talking of committing suicide, I felt like the world was sitting on my shoulders ... I took a few minutes of quiet, basically tuned him out. And decided this, I am not an outreach, social or mental care worker, I have never had feelings of wanting to die, and it was unhealthy for me to be around someone who felt this way. I ran, literally, told him that I was not the person to help him in this situation and was actually mad that he would put me in a position of being responsible for his life. I left the phone numbers to our therapist on the dresser and I ran out my door down the street to the bike path until I got to my place of work. Then I called our therapist for advice, for me ~laugh~ I was so confused by how much I should be involved in his life or not I wanted to know where my moral and legal obligations fell when he threatened himself to me. We decided the best thing I could do would be to call his Dad to check on him, but if I could go back now with the knowledge I have I would call his doctor or a social agency that specializes in suicidal behavior. I understand where you are sitting, it is painful, scary, and frustrating that you can not be sure if this person is using such a horrible thing to manipulate you. Be strong, take care of yourself and children first, we're all here for you.
I think its the splitting that is so difficult to handle. The dumping it all my doorstep all the time. I have had to learn not to pick up the ball. A couple of months ago I ended up paying the rent because he had no money. He is supposed to pay it. Then after that he comes to me with one of his friends "needs". I told him not to mention that friends name to me again I have no interest in his needs.
I think learning when to pick up and when to put down is classic al-anon. When my boyfriend starts talking about he doesn't feel well now I remind myself that he doesn't do ANYTHING for me when I don't feel well. In fact he just gets annoyed. I do not mean not to be compassionate but I want reciprocation. He seems to think I turn my asthma on and off. Hey I don't tell him he turns his illness on and off. But I do wonder how can you go from saying you can't move to being able to be out all day smoking dope. He can move when it suits him. And he loves to be waited on hand and foot. He has never even brought me a cup of tea without my having to ask him.
You can get support for yourself. I do not think that people who are suicidal are necessarily manipulative. I think he may seriously be so depressed he thinks that ending it is the issue and that is one thing he can choose. But he can also choose to reach out and get help and he can't put it all on you to do that. He can call crisis lines and you could have their number by the bed. I think it is incredibly difficult for an addict to consider others and their needs and their issues. Expecting them to is sometimes like expecting a little baby to suddenly get up and walk. Learning not to take that personally is an art too.
((((lynn))) im sorry for all the stress your under right now. im still praying for you. when i was suicidal and i talked about it to someone i was crying out for help. i wanted to know i was loved and cared about. just a thought that may be able to help you out. when someone speaks of it they are usually reaching out. you could provide a distress line for your a so he can talk to people that understand and can help him sort out his thougths properly. those lines have helped me in the past. best of luck (((hugs)))
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stay in the now...dont look forward, dont look back....your life is what you make of it
