I have just recently discovered that my husband is an alcoholic.  It is something that I have always worried about because it runs rampant in his family.  Over the years there have been little clues.  He's never been able to admit when he's had too much to drink, even in situations where it would have been socially acceptable.  The scariest part about that is he then has no problem driving himself home afterwards.  During the past year or two there have been 4 or 5 really bad incidents where he came home very drunk.  Lying about where he'd been and saying he'd had nothing to drink.  A few times he admitted it, other times he stayed with the lies even after he sobered up and I confronted him again.  Sometimes I really believed him.  The last bad incident was a few days ago.  This time he came out and told me he's been drinking every day for over a year.  5-7 mixed drinks a night, in our home.  I feel so stupid I never noticed.  He works very hard, long hours and the signs I was seeing in him I really thought stemmed from exhaustion.  He would fall asleep on the couch every night- I thought, but he was really passed out drunk. 

I am so hurt and angry right now.  I feel like I don't know him anymore, he has lied to my face for so long.  He says he is going to get help, but I worry it is only because he feels he is about to lose his family.  I am afraid once he feels comfortable in our relationship again he will start again.  He has sworn to me before that he would stop and not risk losing his family- this was after the really bad incidents, before I knew this was actually a daily thing.  We have small children and I worry about them.  They have witnessed a few bad scenes with their father before, and I fear I am putting them at risk staying with him.  At the same time I know he's not a bad person and he loves us.  But I don't know how I can ever trust him again.  Scary also is that he is the sole provider for our family.  I gave up my career when we had kids to care for them and support him.  We have a child with special needs, my husband makes a very good income and has been able to provide all the extra help our child needs.  I couldn't do it without him.  I worry that he will kill himself doing this and I feel desperate being so dependant on someone who is proving himself to be very unreliable. 

I don't know whether I should stay with him and see if he gets help, or seperate until he can pull it together.  Part of me thinks I should take the kids and go and try to figure out a way to provide for them on my own without having to depend on him.  I am probably too hurt and angry to make a decision like that right now.  But to those who have been through it, are you able to forgive and trust again?  How do you get past the anger?