I had some incredibly lonely Christmases with my family of origin. My mother bought gifts for my elder sister's friends. The only time she acknowledged my friends was to say they were awful.  The whole holiday like most of our family life revolved around my elder sister's wants and needs and I resented it so much then.  I did have the labels to put on it then that I do now.  My elder sister was like the mega god above everyone and everything and her very breath was viewed as incredible. The rest of us were relegated to servants who were supposed to attend to her needs and wants.  I have found myself gravitating towards many many people who are like my sister I guess because I could not differentiate a lot of my emotions towards her. Now when I see narcissism I put a lot of limits on my exposure to it.  My boyfriend's mother is an incredible narcissist not in the same category as my elder sister but really up there. I reduce exposure to her at all costs.  Yesterday I felt some resentment come up about all the time I spent mirroring her. She does no mirroring validation to me.  What I am grateful for is that none of that continues today. I set an incredible amount of limits on being exposed to her.  My boyfriend is enmeshed with his family on many many levels (he spent yesterday with his brother but does not tell me). He can be.  I just don't allow it to affect me. I don't view his mother's narcissism as personal to me.  I could and I did and that made me toxic with resentment. I just work on ways to get support, nuturing and caring for myself from people who can give rather than those who pretend to give but can't.

Maresie.